Decathlon Update

All I can say about this eating decathlon is that it's been painful. Some of the events have been much harder than anticipated, but all in all it has been a great experience so far. So here's an update:

At the last update, we had completed the Krispy Kreme race, the saltines, and the 2 lbs of salad. Soon after the saltines, we did the 12 inch pizza challenge. We were able to alter our pizza choice after seeing my struggle with an original Tombstone. Instead we chose thin crust Tombstone pizzas. The time to beat for the bonus was 5:30, upon mutual agreement. The race itself was something to see. Drew and I quickly pulled away from Ryan and got to a point where we were starting our last 1/4 of the pizza at the same time. I somehow pulled away from him and won...just under the bonus time, finishing in 5:26. Drew slowed up upon my victory and finished in about 5:45. Ryan struggled but made it to the finish to earn his point, in about 9 minutes or more.

The next event was actually the KK race. After that we went on a short hiatus because we could never get together at the same time for a meal. However, one Friday evening we got all of us together and moved on to our next challenge. The event: Pasta. The goal: 3 packages of Ramen noodles. Another straight race, that was a bit of a change from the original plan but still something difficult. We had a hell of a time finding bowls and a way to cook the servings at the same time. However, with 2 microwaves and a stove at our disposal, we were able to overcome this problem. This was an interesting race due to the fact that there were 3 different strategies involved. Drew left a little bit of water in his noodles and crunched them up to make the bites smaller. Ryan left a lot of water and also crunched his noodles up. I left my noodles whole and left no water. Well, that was my fatal mistake. Drew and Ryan pulled away from me and had a hell of a race, with Drew prevailing by a slim margin. I got overly-full after about 1/2 of my noodles were gone, and had a hard time finishing. I had to make up for all of the crap I had given Drew and Ryan after the salad race, because they had about 15 minutes to ridicule me for being so slow (though I had 45 minutes to do it to them). Anyway, after this event the overall race for the title was quite close. After the pizza I had a 5 point lead on Drew and I think 7 on Ryan. However, Drew gained 2 points on me for both the KK race and the noodles, and it was now a 1-point decathlon. I had to step up my game.

Next up was what he consider the hardest event of the 11. The block of cheese. We chose to do this event next for one reason: cheese was on sale at Kroger. So we all went and found the healthiest (or least unhealthy) cheese we could get: Kraft Mild Cheddar, with 2% milk. I think we figured out it had about 800 calories, 55 grams of fat, and about 80% of our daily cholesterol. On top of that, we feared clogged bowels for the next few days. But none of that deterred us. We started the event with the rule of no water being allowed. At about the 3 minute mark, we all looked at each other and decided to stop the watch. There was no way in hell we could finish this thing without water. So we all got our beverages of choice and proceeded.

I found a great method of eating the cheese by taking a huge bite, chewing as little as possible, and swallowing the cheese with water like I had a bunch of pills in my mouth. This made the taste horrible, but the cheese went down quickly. The taste was horrible after about the third bite, and with nothing but water to rinse my mouth, I had no alternative but to taste the mild cheddar for the next 10 minutes. In another closely contested race, I beat drew by about a bite, and immediately got up and tried to find something to get rid of the cheese taste. I chose a Mountain Dew and a piece of Italian bread. This, however, only slightly. I can't even describe the level of discomfort this cheese provided...just try it yourself if you really want to know. The next day my stomach was slightly upset but overall ok...and Drew, Ryan and I have all been quite regular ever since. I'm sure the increased fiber in our diets in the next couple of days helped that. So I gained another point here.

Next up: A bage of Baked Lays. Again, the least unhealthy alternative. Once again, another close race between Drew and I. And once again, a victory for me. This event was somewhat uneventful. There was a lot of water washing down chips and I honestly began to get pissed that the water washed away the salt taste of the chips. At the end of the event, I had a 3 point lead over Drew and an 8 point lead over Ryan with 4 events remaining.

However, the aftermath of the chips is something to tell. The excessive amounts of salt and sharp chips in our mouths wreaked havoc on our lips and gums. That event was Monday, and today, Thursday, I am still having trouble opening my mouth because I have a raw spot on the corner of my left lip and inside my gums. I really hope this goes away soon, because I can't open my mouth all the way. There has been plenty of lip balm and chapstick used in our house over the last few days.

My next deecathlon post will come after we've done 2-3 more events, and will conclude with a story of the final event: The Pie Eating Contest.

Krispy Kreme Kraziness

Why is it so hard to get motivated to write a few paragraphs every few days? I'll probably never have an an adequate answer, but I will keep posting about the decathlon. And in recent weeks I have come up with some new material so that will also go on here in the near future. But first, I need to write about the one event in the entire decathlon that deserves its own post: The Krispy Kreme race.

This race was one that is not a new idea, but is probably not done by too many people. The concept: a race to Krispy Kreme and back. Simple enough, until you add 6 donuts right there in the middle. This race is so brutal that it actually struck fear into the hearts of some of my less testicularly-gifted friends. I believe at one point we had 9 people signed on to run the race. The final tally at the starting line: 4. That in itself is a testament to the brutality of this event.

We met up on a cold winter afternoon around 4:00 at our alma-mater. The weather was about 32 degrees and fairly windy. One of the competitors' girlfriends offered to drive up to KK and order the donuts, and set them out. So after her departure, we proceeded to warm up for a mile, and then we took the line.

Drew went out to the early lead (mainly because he is in the best shape of the four of us). Ryan was second, myself and Shane were third and fourth. A little after a mile I passed Ryan to take possession of second place and focused on getting to KK in a reasonable time. I made it there (almost exactly 2 miles) in a little under 12 minutes, which isn't flying but not too bad either. Drew was on his second donut when I arrived, and Ryan and Shane both came in within a minute of me.

The first two donuts were hell to eat. I was coughing from the cold air and my throat could barely open. My nose was running, and I eventually had to waste valuable seconds requesting napkins. Ryan won the award for biggest mess, spilling hardened glaze all down his front side. He looked like he had been running in snow that hadn't yet melted on his clothes. His girlfriend just stared at us in disgust. The donuts, fortunately, were still warm and we had plentiful water to wash them down. Good job on the part of Ryan's girlfriend.

Drew finished the donuts first and made his way back quickly. Ryan was second to finish, and I left about 45-60 seconds later. Drew extended his lead throughout and won the race handily. I actually spent the entire second half of the race chasing down Ryan, who had a decent lead on me to start. Less than 400 meters into the run back I started feeling the donuts in my stomach. However this first wave passed for almost a mile. At about 1.25 miles, I caught and passed Ryan and began my push for the finish. I looked back throughout the last half mile but was able to extend my lead. That entire last half mile I was burping up donuts, which made everything even worse. Aerobically I was fine but my stomach was asking me to stop with every step. Drew won by about 90 seconds. His and my time on the way back were nearly identical. He slowed a bit from his time going there but my time was once again just under 12 minutes. So I guess the donuts affected me less...except that statement would be a dirty lie.

I hit the finish line, turned around to watch Ryan finish about 45 seconds later...and then excused myself with the statement: "I'll be right back, I'm going to puke." At that point, I went over by a tree and left about 3 of the donuts on the grass, to most likely be eaten by a passing dog on a leash. After this event, the points had me with a 3 point lead over Drew, and 4 points over Ryan. I will write in a day or two with an update on the other events we have done, including what was probably the hardest event of the entire decathlon. Stay tuned.

The Decathlon (+1)

I alluded to my eating decathlon in my post the other day, so now it is time to describe the entire event. My roommates and I sat down one night and brainstormed the idea for a while before we came up with 11 foods we found agreeable. So here are the events, in order with the results of the two events we've done so far.

1) 2 lbs. of salad race: just what it sounds like, whoever can eat all that salad first gets 3 points, 2nd place gets 2 points, and 3rd place gets 1 point. Bonus point for every pound of salad eaten. I won this event with a time of just under 24 minutes. Drew was next about 45 minutes later, and Ryan was 3rd a few minutes after that.

2) Who can eat 20 saltine crackers the fastest without water. Same scoring as every race, with a bonus for getting done in under 5:00. This one was difficult because it became hard to swallow. Ryan and I actually tied in 3:52, with Drew a distant third. Standing after two events: Andrew 8, Ryan 6, Drew 5.

3) 12 inch pizza challenge. Who can eat a 12 inch pizza fastest. Another event I talked about in the last post. Bonus points for getting in under Ryan's best time of 4:30.

4) Chinese food order. We have several Chinese restaurants that give substantial amounts of food for a cheap price. We are going to race to eat a full order, including the food, fried rice, eggroll and fortune cookie. The agreed upon order is General Tso's chicken.

5) Pasta: we haven't decided an amount but we will race to see who can eat a set amount of pasta first.

6) Krispy Kreme Race: This event is the one we're all looking forward to the most. It is also the only event where we are allowing outside competitors. The competition includes a 2 mile run to Krispy Kreme, the rapid consumption of 6 glazed donuts, and then a 2 mile run back. We already have 9 competitors signed up for this one so the competition could get heated. General scoring system, with bonuses for finishing without purgin your donuts on the run back.

7) 10 tacos from Taco Bell: Another race to see who can eat an entire 10-item order from Taco Bell. No bonuses associated with this one yet, but it will likely be very interesting.

8) Traditional pie-eating contest: No hands. Need I say more.

9) Block of cheese: Another race to see who can eat an entire block of cheese. No water allowed for this one. Bonus points for not getting sick.

10) 1 full bag of Baked Lays. This is one of the weaker events on the list, but it should make for some interesting racing, especially if we don't allow water.

11) Dog Biscuits: This is one of those things reminiscent of Survivor or something because we plan to find unpleasant-tasting treats and see who can eat 10 the fastest. Obvious points for not getting sick. I'm not a fan of this one.

So as you see, we have a full slate of events in the coming weeks, and I will keep the blog updated on the ongoing results of this fantastic competition. And I encourage everyone to look closely at this competition and consider doing something similar.

Our Girlfriends Think We're Crazy

Well, it's been far too long since my last post. So here we are again, and I'm back to my favorite topic: Food. This time is going to be more reminiscent of my logs leading up to the famous trip to Denny's Beer Barrel Pub. The eating challenges have begun once again.

Now personally, I never really gave up on them. But they got put on the back burner for most of the group. However, we occasionally email each other links to interesting eating challenges. This is how this new wave began. My cousin John found that the world record for eating a 12 inch pizza was 2 minutes and 19 seconds. So of course, being the group that we are, we decided to test this record. I started out the festivities last Wednesday by eating a Tombstone pizza in just under 8 minutes (extremely weak when looking at the rest of the results). But it turns out the Tombstone was a difficult pizza to eat. On Friday, most of the Denny's group plus one or two others convened in St. Louis to challenge my time and, more importantly, the world record.

The big winner was El Nino, who finished his Imo's pizza in I believe about 3 1/2 minutes. John was next in about 4 1/2, and the rest of the group followed shortly, with all but one beating my mediocre time. Well, that lit a fire under me and I intend to challenge this again, most likely on my next trip to St. Louis when I can go to Imo's myself.

So I could end this post here and have a solid story, but I'm going to make it a bit longer and tell you how this pizza challenge has changed my life. My two roommates, Ryan and Drew, we amused by my attempt and decided to test their own bodies. Ryan completed the challenge in about 4 1/2 minutes. The next night, he attempted the ill-advised gallon challenge, to the much expected result of some very forceful vomiting. The next night all three of us attempted to eat a spoonful of cinnamon. And once again, Ryan vomited. Drew and I fared a bit better, meaning we kept our dinners inside. But no one succeeded. Well, this led us to develop a new set of competitions related to eating. We call it the House 6883 Eating Decathlon (+1). We have 11 events, and a point system to crown a grand champion of eating. In a day or two I will describe every event in the decathlon, but today I will give a brief rundown of event #1: The 2 lbs of salad race.

The race is just what it sounds like. The first person to successfully eat 2 lbs. of salad is the winner. 1st place gets 3 points, 2nd gets 2, and 3rd gets 1. For every pound of salad you eat you also get 1 point. So there is a potential for 5 points in this event. We began at about 10:30 last night, with our salads poured into large bowls and dressing and drinks of choice at our sides. Ryan and Drew used Italian Dressing, with Ryan drinking Woodchuck, and Drew with water. I had Raspberry Vinaigrette and Root Beer/water to drink. Well, I ended up the big winner in this event, finishing my 2 lbs of salad in just under 24 minutes. I had a huge lead so I really let up the last 10 minutes and probably could have gone under 20 if not for that. 2nd place, nearly 45 minutes later, was Drew. And coming in 3rd, and almost vomiting for the third night in a row (but somehow holding it in) was Ryan. So the standings sit with me in first place so far with 5 points, Drew in 2nd with 4 points, and Ryan in 3rd with 3 points. The competition will heat up in the coming days, so stay tuned.

Local Cuisine: The Conclusion

After writing extensively about the cuisine of Kentucky the other day, it is now time to focus on the wonder that is the food of St. Louis. I will warn you that this may turn into a lengthy post because there is so much to write about. Because of that I will try to only talk briefly about each food.

In my mind, it all begins with St. Louis style pizza. As a younger boy, I used to think of this pizza as merely thin crust pizza, and thus all thin crust pizzas were equal. So whenever I saw thin crust, I thought it was St. Louis style. I guess I was wrong all those years, because it's more the ingredients than just the thin crust that make this pizza unique. Provel cheese, which is also a staple of St. Louis is probably the key ingredient to the pizza, but it can also be mixed with a sweeter sauce, and lots of spices. The crust is thin, almost to the point of being crunch, and it is always cut into squares. There is no pizza like this available in Louisville. Here in Louisville, Papa John's (or what I like to call "Louisville-style" pizza) is king. And who the hell needs Papa John's on a regular basis, when you can have Imo's and Cecil Whitaker's.

Next on the list of St. Louis favorites is another Italian dish (owing to St. Louis' strong Italian heritage): toasted ravioli. I've seen this in restaurants outside of St. Louis, but stores in Louisville don't carry it. The great thing about this food is that I'm not a fan at all of ravioli, but this is completely different. Basically, take normal ravioli, season the shit out of it, deep fry it, and serve it with dipping sauce and you have the start to a hell of a meal. First off, EVERYTHING is better deep-fried. Second, this can be eaten as an appetizer or a meal, and it never gets old. I made it a point to pick myself up two boxes of Louisa toasted ravioli before I left St. Louis last weekend because I missed this wondrous food so much. Anyone who hasn't tried this is truly missing out.

The next type of food that makes St. Louis so damn awesome is St. Louis style BBQ. The true staples of this are Maull's BBQ sauce and pork steaks. I've always thought of my BBQ as being covered in Maull's...nearly dripping sometimes. It wasn't until just the other day that I realized that Maull's isn't available much outside of St. Louis. This was mind-blowing to me because I guess I always assumed it was a national brand. I guess I never looked closely at the store here in "The 'Ville." Pork steaks are something different altogether. I believe they're cut from the shoulder area of the pig, and are generally a bit more fatty than other types of pork. However, the fat is the tasty kind, like on prime rib, that only adds to the flavor of the rib, and is very easy to chew. I just had pork steaks over the weekend for the first time in probably 3 years and they were every bit as mouth-watering as I remember them. This is another food I fully intend to ship back to Louisville in my Taurus the next time I make a trip to St. Louis.

The last food I will hit on in detail is St. Louis' entry into the "pile of slop" category, the Slinger. This is a breakfast and late night staple in St. Louis, especially in eateries such as Eat Rite (or dont' eat at all) and the Courtesy Diner (known for their less than courteous staff). A slinger is basically a pile of slop, made of breakfast foods and chili. Its ingredients are limited only to the chef's imagination, but it must include a meat and chili. Generally, they will include eggs, along with sausage, bacon, ham or steak, and hash brown, topped with generous amounts of chili. These things are painful to eat and even more painful to pass the next day, but you can't argue with proven taste. I've devoured all of two of them in my life, and only regretted it for a fleeting few moments the day after.

Other unique food choices in St. Louis are Ted Drewes Frozen Custard, gooey butter cake (extremely easy to make and incredibly rich), the ice cream cone (meaning it was rumored to be invented there during the 1904 World's Fair), and countless other Italian dishes found on The Hill. There are countless other foods unique to both St. Louis and Louisville, but if I hit on them all I would be writing for days. This is just a taste (no pun intended) of what is uniquely available in these two cities, but I urge anyone who hasn't tried any of these foods to make it a point on their next trip through to stop and try at least one of them. I know I make it a point to eat at least one or two St. Louis staples on every trip to the Gateway to the West.

Local Cuisine

Someone recently asked me if I were to move away from Louisville, would I miss Kentucky food as much as I miss St. Louis food. Well, this question REALLY got me thinking and I found initially I had a hard time answering. There is a lot of great food that is native to Kentucky...but can it compare to the cuisine of St. Louis? I've written about food on this blog before, but it is a subject that is always worth coming back to. Today I'll focus on the food in Louisville, with St. Louis coming tomorrow.

Let me first begin by saying that the cuisine in Louisville is distinct from the food of the rest of the state, so I will have to limit this study to just Louisville's native foods. I will begin with one of my favorite concepts in food, and that is the "pile of slop" category. This includes recipes which are basically just heaping piles of several different ingredients. St. Louis and Louisville both have entries in this category. In Louisville, that food is the hot brown.

The hot brown is a dish that is fairly similar to an open-faced turkey sandwich...but it is so much more than that. It was created at the Brown Hotel in Louisville as an alternative late-night snacking option. It consists of turkey piled on bread, piled high with bacon, sometimes mashed potatoes, and covered with tomatoes and either gravy or, more commonly, Mornay sauce. It is generally also topped with parmesan cheese, and sometimes ham is included with the turkey. I've had several hot browns at several restaurants, and never once have I been disappointed. If you're ever in the mood for a good pile of slop, then the hot brown is definitely near the top of my list of good eats.

Another popular item that I had never heard of before moving to Kentucky is beer cheese. This is a kind of spicy cheese dip, that is meant for parties and outdoor events. It is made with, of course, beer, cheddar cheese, and just about any spices you can think of to put in there. Most people like their beer cheese especially spicy, and it is often served with pretzels, chips, or crackers. I am actually not a huge fan of the stuff, but you can't go past a cheese cooler in a grocery store in Kentucky without seeing several varieties of beer cheese on the shelf.

Kentucky, including Louisville, and especially Owensboro, are reknowned for their BBQ. This is going to be a difficult category of food to compare because I have a very strong leaning toward St. Louis BBQ. But I can't deny that Kentucky has gotten it right as well. Parts of Western Kentucky have developed a unique recipe and way of using pit BBQ which is absolutely stellar, and the two or three times I've ever had burgoo have been nothing less than parties in my mouth. Burgoo is one of those great foods like chili and my next food, Derby Pie, where everyone has their own unique recipe that they feel is the best. And I urge these same people to keep trying out new ideas and send them my way because this stuff is nuts.

I'll end this post with the one food I know I will miss the most if I ever leave Kentucky. That food is Derby Pie. In the simplest terms, Derby Pie is a type of pecan pie with chocolate chips. But that would not be doing it justice. Derby Pie is a specialty during Kentucky Derby season (kind of like the Mint Julep, another Kentucky specialty). It is generally made with chocolate and walnuts, but also can have pecans, caramel, butterscotch, or other types of nuts. Bourbon is also a tasty, but not entirely necessary, add-on. In the end, after mixing all of these ingredients together, you get an incredibly rich pie with a hard top cruse but a soft middle filled with ground nuts and melted chocolate, often with a distinct bourbon flavor. It is served both hot and cold, and is my favorite part of Derby season. A place called Kern's Kitchen actually owns the official recipe for Derby Pie, and no one can officially call another recipe Derby Pie. So it pops up as a variety of other names, including Chocolate Nut Pie, Winner's Circle Pie, or even "First Saturday in May Pie."

I'm not going to ever talk bad about Kentucky cuisine, and I really just scratched the surface because there is so much popular food outside of Louisville, and even in Louisville that I have missed. Kentucky bourbon is a source of pride for Kentuckians all over the state, Louisville has a strong German heritage which has led to many Octoberfests and German festivals popping up with great food. And I don't even know what wonders lie in Appalachia, but I can only fantasize. So Kentucky and its cuisine definitely have a place in my heart, but I'll be honest when I say it is NOTHING in my mind compared to the food you'll find in St. Louis. Read on tomorrow.

Pumpkins and TP

Pumpkin season has officially begun, and I'm beyond excited. My goal is to eat at least one pumpkin item every day between now and December 1. A lofty goal, I know but one I believe I can achieve. I began three nights ago with pumpkin pie from Frisch's, then had a delectable Pumpkin Pie Blizzard from DQ two nights ago. Last night I purchased what will undoubtedly be my saving grace on this quest: Pumpkin Delights. These are true to their name, as they are a delightful snack put out by Little Debbie (that bitch knows some snack cakes), and are small and cheap enough that if it gets to be 11:00 at night and I haven't had my pumpkin fix, I can grab one of those. I look forward to a holiday season filled with pumpkin EVERYTHING!!

On another note, I was in the bathroom the other day and came to a serious revelation. Why is the toilet paper roll always so low to the floor? I would assume this is done under the assumption that people wipe sitting down. But I know I can't do that. And the last thing I want to do after soiling any toilet is to bend down three feet just to get some TP. So why don't they start putting the roll up about 4-5 feet high. I know I wouldn't mind having to reach up to get my asswipe.

The weather here in Louisville has officially turned from summer to fall. And I couldn't be angrier. I am already missing the 90 degree days with a heat index of 105. But I guess we can't always get what we want. Right now it's about 55 degrees and will only top out at about 67. The overnight lows are regularly in the high 40's. It was pretty much like day and night. It was pretty hot last week and then all of a sudden the bottom dropped out. And most people are probably loving this "beautiful fall weather," but it's making me miserable. All this does to me is make me think of how bad the weather will be in a month. Oh well, I'll live with the somewhat warm weather while I can.

On a positive note, I had lost my copy of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out but thanks to the wonder that is Facebook (I know it has a lot of critics) I found it. Turns out I had lent it to a friend of mine. I changed my profile on Facebook to say that I was missing my game, and my friend immediately got in touch with me and told me he had it. So no matter what anyone says, Facebook did me some good in my life. Now I can begin my quest for a third Perfect Punch-Out!!

It's Nerf or Nothing

My roommate and I waited in silence as our other roommate pulled into the driveway. We exchanged confused looks as he sat in his car for a seemingly excessive amount of time. Finally, we gave up our venture and went back to what we had been doing...I went into my room to read a book and he sat down in the living room to watch TV. All of a sudden I heard a yell, followed by footsteps running. I walked out the door to my room and something flew past my ear. "What the F__K was that?" I yelled. And then I saw it...my roommate hadn't been waiting in his car for no reason. He had been loading his new NERF gun. I ran into my room and slammed the door as he began to pelt me with more darts, and anxiously tried to load my own firearm.

It all started seemingly innocently, when one of our friends decided to give away his collection of these guns, and we were the only takers. Three guns for three roommates. Perfect karma.

I took the replica sniper rifle, and the 6-shooter and other rifle were dispersed among the other two. The madness really began Tuesday night. At about 11:00 that night, I had the bright idea to get one roommate to join me in storming the other roommate's room after he had gone to bed for the night. I stood in front of the door while Ryan stood to the side and pushed the door open. We then began pelting Drew with darts while he screamed profanities at us. We walked back upstairs feeling kind of bad because we had disturbed his privacy and possibly his sleep. However, I realized 10 minutes later that he wasn't put off in the least. That's because he came upstairs and began shooting madly at the two of us in retaliation. As we ran fought back and forth for about 10 minutes, the two dogs ran around barking at the madness going on around them. I made sure that when I went to bed that night, I locked my door.

It all came to a head last night with the incident of Ryan coming into the house and shooting us with the NEW gun he had just bought. This thing actually hurts if it hits you, and is pretty deadly accurate. I'm still shocked that he spent about $30 on a new NERF gun just to protect himself. Well, after this happened we proceeded to spend roughly 90 minutes late last night running around the house shooting at each other. The dogs were outside, probably wondering the same thing you are: What are three guys in their mid-20's doing playing with NERF guns.

The answer is simple. Guys don't like the idea of growing up. Think about it: we play video games, watch the sports we played as kids, watch our favorite movies from our childhood, and listen to the same music. This doesn't apply to everyone but it does to a lot of my friends. I spend my evenings playing with NERF guns, playing original Nintendo, and watching early seasons of the Simpsons and Darkwing Duck, among other things. My favorite movie is Back to the Future. Ever since Death Magnetic came out, all I've listened to is Metallica. What I'm trying to say is that I was so influenced by our culture when I was growing up that I have held onto my interests from that time and am still passionate about them. Maybe I'm going through a quarter-life crisis, especially with my obsession with cartoons lately. But I think that I just am not ready to leave my childhood behind, especially now that I'm in a better financial position to enjoy what I want. I can now afford to buy these NERF guns I never had as a kid, and rent or but all those movies I loved watching. I have more access to the music of the time. So I think I'm making up now for everything I didn't get enough of as a kid. And I believe most guys go through this at some point in their 20's once they've been independent for awhile.

I never thought I would be playing with NERF guns when I was 27, but all I have to say to that is: "Why wouldn't I be?"

Low Budget Mania

I know I've already blogged about commercials but I only covered commercials for kids in that post. Yesterday, an email from my cousin reminded me of one of the VERY few advantages to watching daytime television: the cheesy local commercial.

My greatest memories of low budget commercials come from my childhood in St. Louis. During the summer, I would get up at a reasonable hour and spend my mornings in front of the television most of the time, before going out and playing with my friends in the late morning or early afternoon hours. This would normally occur after watching The Price Is Right. These few hours of watching morning television introduced me to some local businesses I never would have known about otherwise.

The first one, that was the inspiration for this post, is Schweig Engel, which I believe is a furniture and appliance company, but I'm not sure if the commercials ever made it clear. These commercials were made up of three guys essentially yelling to you about their financing and credit options at the store. I don't recall them ever actually mentioning what they sell, leading me, as a child, to believe they were just a credit or accounting firm. After doing some research into it, I figured out what they actually sell. However, I tried to find information about the actual actors and was only able to come up with this video interview with Mike Stein. The cheesy special effects, sometimes violent overtones, and the voice levels of the actors made these commercials a favorite among native St. Louisans.

Next up is Becky's Carpet and Tile Superstore. I always found these commercials disturbing. Back in the day, they consisted of Becky, Queen of Carpet, and Wanda, Princess of Tile. They rode a flying carpet all over St. Louis, not always staying on it but generally ending the commercial there. However, after several years, Wanda suddenly disappeared from the ads, leaving Becky flying (literally) solo. Perhaps the combined weight of the two hurt the flying carpet, or perhaps Wanda actually did fall off the carpet and died...but that remains one of the great mysteries in St. Louis lore...What happened to Wanda? My opinion is there was a dispute between the Queen and Princess, and Becky ended up on the winning side. She admitted to being a recognizable figure outside of St. Louis in an interview done recently...and I bet that if Wanda were still around, it would take some of the spotlight off Becky. And who wants that?

There are several others I would like to cover, but in order to save space, I'll mention: Dirt Cheap and the Dirt Cheap bird, Buckley the talking dog...I can't even remember the name of the company, but if you mention Buckley you get $500 off the price of your car. The questions there is how do you go about mentioning Buckley when you're buying a car? That's always plagued me, and I wonder how many people have actually gotten that $500 off the price of the car. I also wonder how many Buckleys there have been.

Louisville doesn't have the same number of cheesy local commercials. But there are a few. The one I'm going to highlight isn't nearly as good as Schweig Engel, but it's still good. Darryl Isaacs, Attorney at Law, AKA "The Heavy Hitter." This is just a big oaf of a lawyer, who supposedly finished in the bottom third of his law school class, but is now probably the most recognized lawyer in Louisville. He's been seen in his commercials playing basketball and punching people and cars out of the screen, among other things. Most catchy, however is his jingle: "The heavy hitter is the way to go. Call 458-1000." Classic.

I wish I could write about more than this but I don't watch enough daytime and late night television anymore to really be able to do that. I hope the cheesy local commercial is not a dying breed. But if it is, then I thank all the local companies for filling my childhood (and adult life) with memories of dinosaurs eating people, headless salesmen, and b-balling lawyers.

Ike

I feel like the entire country experienced the fallout from Hurricane Ike. I know for a fact that both Louisville and St. Louis were ravaged, but in entirely different fashions. On Sunday, as the hurricane made its way north, it hit St. Louis with fairly high winds and more rain than the city has seen in quite some time. I believe I heard 4 inches fell in the span of a few hours. This caused flooding all over the city, including in places I've never heard of having this problem before. For example, I was told the corner of Manchester and Hanley was underwater. What!?!?! That's what I said. I didn't even know there was water anywhere nearby, but somehow this area flooded.

Meanwhile, in Louisville, we got the high winds but no rain. However, we got gusts of up to 75 mph, with average winds in the 50 mph range for a few hours straight. Now I've never considered myself much of a risk-taker but I made one of the dumber decisions of my life on Sunday afternoon. I chose to go running at the height of these massive winds, with trees all around me. So I made my way to a park and ran 7 miles, all the while being covered in blowing dust and debris, and waiting for a tree limb or street sign to crack me in the side of the head.

The aftermath of these high winds left roughly 300,000 households and businesses in the area without power...myself and my work included. As I write this it is Wednesday morning, and my house is still without power, and my work unfortunately got power at about 6:30 this morning. I think there are still about 150,000 places without power right now, and they are guessing it could be up to 2 weeks (from Sunday) by the time everything is restored.

So while I sit at night in my dark house and read with a flashlight, while watching movies on my laptop until the battery dies, one very disturbing thought crosses my mind on a regular basis: if we are this reliant on electricity and cannot use anything that needs it, what would happen if toilets were powered by electricity?

I know that I had to piss in the dark on the very first day we lost power but was able to flush. But people are freaking out so badly right now it is insane. You can't buy batteries, flashlights, or candles to light your house. Stores are also sold out of ice so you can't cool your food. Even gas stations are shutting down: some because they don't have power and others because they are out of gas. People are lined up in stores and gas stations all over the city trying to find a way to live their lives. What if they couldn't use their toilets either? Would the lines at restaurants, stores, libraries, and even churches be out the door because there are thousands of people around the city who can't take a shit? Would the city line up portolets in parks for everyone to use? Would people just begin to go in their neighbors' yards? Think of how many times you walk into a room when your power is out and flip a light switch without thinking...just out of habit. How many people would automatically go use their toilet, only to realize, too late, that they can't flush it? Then they would have to deal with a rotting turd cooking up in their bowl for several days. The smell would be just awful. So all of you scientists out there, or amateur inventors, if you see blueprints come across your desk for an electric toilet, I have just three words for you: JUST SAY NO!!

Fatigue and Pop Tarts

As I write this, at roughly 11:00 AM while sitting in my desk at work, I am currently very tired and uncomfortable. Whoever said that running and hard exercise make you feel better was way off. I guess that may be a bit of an exaggeration, because I really enjoy endurance sports and being in great shape, but running in the morning does two things to me that are polar opposites: give me a great outlook on the day (because my run is done), and makes trying to sit still incredibly uncomfortable and stiff. I remember days when I was in college, running 15 miles before night class and trying to sit through a 3 hour class. All I did was squirm, try to stretch, and think about food and sleep...it didn't help that I hated night classes at the time.

The food situation here is better than it was during my night class days....Pop Tarts and chocolate milk (which has electrolytes and aids in runners' recovery, believe it or not). I've recently discovered a new kind of Pop Tart that I think is now on closeout. They are blue raspberry flavored and for all you American Idol fans, they feature trivia. The flavor isn't too bad, especially if you like blue raspberry, and it makes looking past the annoying design much easier. It cost me $2.00 for a box of 12...how can you beat that. I also picked up a $2.00 box of Barbie Island Berry flavored Tarts this morning, which is what is going to sustain me until lunch time.

"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?..............That's the joke." McBain said those immortal words in his classic flick McBain: Let's Get Silly. This is one of my favorite McBain scenes ever, and in thinking about it, I did a web search and came up with this gem of a website. Why would anyone waste their time on such a simple, useless, and nonsensical site? Because they can. I applaud this person and their vision of a website to replay, over and over, this classic scene from Simpsons lore, most likely for his or her own entertainment, and maybe that of a few close friends.

You're Listening To The Radio

I've come to the conclusion that radio can both heighten and destroy my love of music. A big reason for this is the choice of radio stations here in Louisville, but I'll get into that later. The inspiration for this post actually came on a positive note this morning in my car, when I heard "Civil War" by Guns N' Roses.

Most bands that you hear have several songs that I call "radio songs." These are the 3-4 songs from any given popular band that are played on classic rock stations nationwide, and they rarely vary from one station to the other. The problem I have is that certain stations seem to have a jones for certain bands. While I can no longer intelligently speak about radio stations in St. Louis, I know that back at the turn of the millennium KSHE 95 played roughly 2 Led Zeppelin songs per hour. Here in Louisville, the worst culprit is 95.7 QMF, playing AC/DC at a rate that would probably make the band tire of hearing their own music. To their credit, however, I will admit that QMF has a vast collection of AC/DC on in their library. However, I can also attest to the fact that this phenomena of AC/DC overkill has actually caused me to change the station any time I hear them played. It's not that I dislike the band, it's just that I'm tired of having them thrown in my face on the radio.

Another group this has happened with is Guns N' Roses. This is very disturbing to me because, even though I'm not a fan of all their music, I do enjoy most of it. The problem is, the only 3 GN'R songs I've heard on the radio with any regularity are: "Welcome to the Jungle", "Paradise City", and (far too often) "Sweet Child of Mine." I used to be a huge fan of all these songs, but I cannot stand to hear any one of them on the radio. "Sweet Child of Mine" is especially bad because it is the most prevalent of the three. What makes it even worse is that they often even edit the song to take out most of the guitar solo, which is a high point of the song. So I can't tell you my relief when I heard "Civil War" this morning...of course it was on the station I consider to be the best in the city.

That station is 93.1 The Fox. Not only does it play a solid mix of classic and new rock, but it has a pretty vast playlist. I have to admit that I favor this station because every day at 6:00 is Mandatory Metallica, which is my favorite 25 minutes of the rush hour. What's impressive about Mandatory Metallica is how deep the go into the band's library. How often are you going to hear Battery, Creeping Death, or Hit the Lights on the radio? The answer is never. I mean, even as I write, Metallica is on the station's website's homepage...which is advertised on the radio as "The perfect break from your favorite porn sites." I could go on and on about this radio station, but I think anyone just needs to go to the website and check out "Thong of the Day", "Who Would You Do", and listen to the station live online. You will not be disappointed.

The other alternatives in Louisville are the aforementioned 95.7 QMF, 107.7 SFR...both of these are very similar stations that specialize in classic rock, but their choice of music is questionable at best. Of course, I'm also not a fan of Lynrd Skynrd and Cher. But if you like stuff like that, then enjoy. You can also listen to 105.1 WLRS, which is the #2 station in my mind, because it is a solid mix of 93.1 and the last two stations. However, it focuses much more on new rock and a lot of the stuff you would hear on The Fox, so it is my easy second choice. The final option is a little known station: 88.1, WNAS New Albany...the station of New Albany High School. I believe this station is run by high school students, and thus the music selection comes from their cd's and Itunes. This station is completely hit or miss, but if you hit then you hit big. They play some completely random music, and if you get a DJ on there who likes metal you'll hear something you won't hear on any other station. I remember hearing Winger, Queensryche, and Iron Maiden on this station.

I'll finish this post with a shout out to my favorite station of all time...the short-lived 97.1 The Rock, a station that was big in St. Louis in the late 90's. This station played nothing but hard classic rock and had a huge playlist. It did four 20-song music marathons per day, meaning no commercials for over an hour. Eventually, it got bought out by KSHE, which went on to proclaim itself "The Rock of St. Louis." But I will forever remember that station as the best mix of music I can ever remember.

My Thoughts For The Day

Just a day after reporting about the weather being so great here, I have been given reports of the weather in St. Louis. As of this writing, it is rainy and 68 in St. Louis, thanks to Hurricane Gustav. Of course, I'm still living it up here in Louisville in the 85 degree weather...heat index over 90. The day it dips below 65 degrees for the high temperature, I believe I may cry...or maybe I'll still jump in my pool, which will be going strong until Thanksgiving.

My roommate brought up a great idea for a winter use for the pool. He suggested we buy some catfish, put the pool out in our front yard, and go fishing from the front porch, while drinking beers and grilling out. This can be done in any weather. It would just be ice fishing during the winter. That got me thinking: how much would it cost to buy 10 live catfish?? Well, upon doing a little bit of research, I couldn't find a good price, but I did find some fish brokers who specialize in the sale of live fish, both for cooking and for stocking lakes. So I didn't get a quote, but I found what I thought was a great site: Imperial Catfish. The logo is what did it for me.

On a separate note, I have found a destination for a pilgrimage in the future. I don't know how I didn't discover it before this, but my blog has a namesake and a sister city. It is, of course, St. Louisville, OH. It is a mere 250 miles from Louisville, but a whopping 477 miles from St. Louis. However, this is a definite option because I intend to make a trip for another eating challenge in the future to central Ohio, and this place will not be too far out of the way. While this trip is probably a long way in the future, I fully intend to blog about the history of the city as well as my experience visiting the town that was named after my blog.

On a final note, in response to my cartoon post I have decided to get some of my old favorites in the mail via Netflix. The first disc of Darkwing Duck should arrive in the mail today. I will report on how well the show holds up, but I am on the edge of my seat in anticipation of viewing this childhood classic.

The End of the Summer

Sweet irony has struck again. How many times have you heard of Labor Day referred to as the "unofficial" end to summer? I know I'm sick of hearing it, because it means that my favorite part of the year is over.

Labor Day, while nice in the fact that it is part of a long weekend (4 days, in my case this year), but it also means several issues arise that I don't like: school is back in, people and businesses close their pools, winter clothing goes on sale, and you see the first Christmas items also go on sale.

So you have no idea how happy it made me when Labor Day, the day after, and today have all topped out over 90 degrees here in Louisville...among the 3 hottest days of the year, after summer had unofficially ended. I love the heat, and laugh at those idiots who closed their pools on Monday. All the while, I had my pool open and ready to use in the backyard. It doesn't matter that my pool is made of plastic and rubber, is only 3 feet deep and has a diameter of 10 feet. It also doesn't matter that it is currently filled with leaves because the portable filter it came with sucks. And it doesn't matter that it needs new water. What matters is the fact that, if I choose, I have the option to jump in my pool at any time...and it's AFTER Labor Day. I intend to keep this pool set up as long as the temperatures are regularly in the 70's, which could mean November in this part of the country. I will swim at the latest possible date...and laugh at all those people who closed their pools up just because the "Unofficial" end to summer came a bit too early.

On another note, I hate that Christmas supplies are already on sale. There's nothing more annoying than going to a store and seeing reindeers and Santa Clause set up next to skeletons and pumpkins. Can we at least get past the first week of the NFL before we start thinking about our Holiday shopping?

The only good thing to come out of the end of summer is the start of pumpkin season. I personally can eat anything pumpkin: pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin ice cream (Starlight Frozen Custard in Louisville has a killer pumpkin concrete), pumpkin beer...basically anything in that flavor and I'm all over it. This pumpkin obsession rose to new highs last year, as I ingested at least one pumpkin flavored item on a nearly daily basis...and consumed roughly 8 pumpkin pies through the entire holiday season. This year stands to top that bit of craziness...mainly because I am now running quite a bit more and I have a much larger appetite than I had at this time last year.

After School Specialness

The 3:00 bell rings. Kids rush out of their classrooms and into waiting cars. They're rushed home, they grab some milk and cookies...and plop down in front of the tv.

As a child, this was my after school routine. It wasn't an every day thing, but some of my most vivid memories of being a kid were watching some classic television either after school, from 3:00-5:00, or on Saturday mornings.

Before I go further, I would like it to be known that TV did not run my life as a kid. My parents would never have allowed that. I spent A LOT of time outside playing sports and other random games that my childlike mind could think up with my friends. But I also watched my fair share of cartoons.

The first memory I have is, of course, Saturday morning cartoons. I can't quite remember what my favorite lineup was, but I have certain favorites I took from the era of the late 80's and early 90's. For example, every Saturday morning I would strive to be up by 8:00 AM in an effort to catch a full hour of Garfield and Friends. This might well be my favorite cartoon of all time. The one problem I had with this, however, was that as I got older and was allowed to stay up a bit later at night, 8:00 would pass with me still in bed. So as I got older, I missed more and more Garfield every Saturday morning, which was a sad state of being if you ask me.

After Garfield I remember there would be a variety of shows I would watch, including A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, Pee-Wee's Playhouse, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Captain N: The Game Master. These shows were not as strong as Garfield, but still solid in my mind. I also remember that as the morning got later, the cartoons got worse and worse. The 8:00 cartoons seemed to be the best, and 9:00 was still solid, but the shows at 10:00 or 11:00 would begin to make your mind wander to your plans for the day and whether to have PB&J for lunch, or a ham sandwich. Today, Saturday morning cartoons are virtually nonexistent. There is an interesting Wikipedia article here that provides several explanations for this decline, including the rise of cable TV and video games.

A final memory I have of Saturday morning cartoons was one of the most highly-anticipated events of every year for a kid, and that was the Saturday morning preview show. Each network would air mini episodes of several new cartoons to air in the next season as previews for kids. These would generally air on Friday nights, often in place of TGIF or other regular Friday programming. I remember vividly watching such animated TV programs get previewed, including animated versions of Tales From The Crypt and The Addams Family. However, most of these shows that would make the Saturday morning preview only seemed to last for one season.

The other hot spot for cartoon watching was the weekday timeslot from 3:00 pm - 5:00 pm. This was a time when kids were getting off of school and wanted nothing more than to relax in front of the tv with a juice box and some Twizzlers. There were two sets of shows I vividly remember from this era in my life. The first was the block of shows that aired on the Kids WB. The main shows I remember airing were Batman: The Animated Series, Animaniacs, and Tiny Toon Adventures. The latter two, especially, were both classics that I think I would still enjoy watching to this day.

Running in direct competition to the Kids WB was The Disney Afternooon. This ran in the same timeslot and had a similar format to TGIF where it had 4 shows that changed every season. It began with the lineup of The Gummi Bears, DuckTales, Chip 'n Dale's Rescue Rangers, and Talespin. It went on to include such classics as Darkwing Duck (among my favorites cartoons ever), Goof Troop, Bonkers, and Gargoyles (another classic, ambitious cartoon).

The whole point of posting was to reminisce about my childhood and some of the classic programming I had available to me on network television (we didn't have cable growing up). I find it a damn shame that kids programming is so different today than what it used to be. Kids need to be able to look at shows like Duck Tales and Gargoyles and broaden their minds and imaginations by entering new worlds with different characters. Instead, kids today are sent home after school to play Call of Duty and Halo, while watching Hannah Montana and eating organic potato chips and sugarfree Kool-Aid. When did being a kid become so boring?

Speaking to the Masses

Does anyone remember the days when commercials used to be enjoyable to watch? There was actually a time when I wouldn't flip the channel during commercials but instead sit and watch the advertisements that TV had to offer.

Now, before I begin I will concede that part of the reason the commercials I watch suck is because I don't watch cartoons anymore or programming geared towards kids (at least for the most part). Instead, I watch "grownup" shows, and because of this the advertisements are geared toward adults. But even these commercials are terrible. What happened to the days of the jingle? People don't write commercial music anymore. My cousin Steve points out the fact that most commercials rip off songs that used to be popular in place of jingles. So instead of getting some unique music, we get to hear the overplayed classics of Journey, The Cars, and other classic rock bands because they will somehow make us want to buy a Ford Fusion or the latest gadget at Office Depot.

But I began to write here because of my fondness of 80's and early 90's toy commercials. Back then if you watched kids shows you were bombarded with loud, obnoxious commercials full of kids shouting while playing with their new toys. These commercials always consisted of at least 6 kids, or even more, and were filled with constant action including but not limited to: rolling dice, holding the advertised toy out in front of you to show the camera while yelling its name, running as a group to a place where the toy is conveniently set up, and playing with the toy or game while the rest of the group circled around and watched. Perhaps advertising agencies didn't want to pay kids to play with toys, or perhaps in our modern, PC world they didn't want to try to represent every ethnicity. The classic toy adverts were made before the days of Barney and did not include a white boy and girl, 1 African-American, 1 Latino, and 1 kid with a physical handicap. They were made up of mostly white boys and girls. I guess searching for diversity is too time-consuming.

Today, with VERY few exceptions, kids are subject to commercials for video games that look like live-action shots, and the occasional halfway decent cereal advertisement. If I ever see an old-fashioned toy or board game commercial while flipping past Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon, I stop and enjoy this blast from the past. I'll end here with a few links to classic commercials from back in the day:

Skip-It
Crocodile Mile
WWF Action Figures
He-Man Action Figures

Canteens of Cleanliness

Well, science has dropped another bombshell on the world. You always hear people say that just about everything these days causes cancer, and it's all because every 6 months, scientists come out with a new study saying something new does just that. Before we know it, scientists will tell us that breathing causes cancer, so we all need to have oxygen pumped straight into our lungs in order to avoid this.

The latest cancer-causing agent is plastic water bottles. Now I've heard over the past several years that the bottles you buy water in at the stores are bad for refilling, but I've done that anyway. What I've always been told is that you can use one of these about 3 times before the plastic starts breaking down and leaching chemicals into your water. So for about 3 years in high school, I drank quite a bit of cancer-laced water. In an effort to avoid this and also to help the environment I decided about 2 years ago to begin using one of those large plastic bottles they sell in stores that can hold about 32 oz. of water and can be re-used countless times. Now I'm not only avoiding cancer, but I'm saving the environment. WRONG!!

Now it seems that these bottles also leak chemicals into your water after several uses and after washing. So that brings my tally up to 5 years of chemical-laced water ingestion. So what's the answer? The answer, of course, is for some company to take advantage of this fact and the fear of death that runs rampant in our country and try to make a profit. Enter the Klean Kanteen.

These bottles were made entirely to take advantage of the fact that other water bottles cause pollution, cancer, and probably herpes. So now, for the low, low price of only $19.95+shipping you can buy a Klean Kanteen. This bottle is made of stainless steel and is advertised as NEVER leaking cancer-causing chemicals into your water. They are incredibly durable, do not break down, and are good for the environment. And the best part: You won't DIE from drinking water out of them.

Now I'm not saying this is some rich American corporation that is trying to take advantage of people's worst fears, because there are other companies all over that make the same bottles. And they really are good for the environment, because when you think about it, how many plastic water bottles are really ever recycled compared to those that just get thrown out. So this is definitely a good thing for our planet, but the fact that you need to pay roughly $25 to get a 27 oz. metal water bottle in the mail is absurd. But I guess that is the price you pay to feel safe while drinking water. I never knew that in the act of hydrating, I was slowly killing myself. So is $25 worth spending to save myself from a slow, painful death?.....

My Klean Kanteen came in the mail last Friday.

WWKSD (What Would Kathy Santoni Do)??

I was reminiscing on my childhood the other day, and for some reason I stumbled upon a memory of Hanna-Barber, especially The Jetsons. This made me think of the little-known "The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones." This was just a crossover of the two popular shows, but it reminded me of a few other failed crossovers. Remember TGIF, and the crossover night they did. I believe at the time , the lineup included Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step By Step and possibly Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. All I remember is Dana from Step By Step showing up at Disney World and talking to Cory about his relationship with Topanga.

And speaking of TGIF, who didn't love that staple of Friday nights. Maybe I was just a loser and watched too much TV as a kid but TGIF was awesome. I didn't realize that it dated all the way back to 1985-86. The original lineup included Webster, Mr. Belvedere, Diff'rent Strokes, and Benson. My personal favorite lineup was one of the earlier "official" TGIF lineups, which was Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, and Just the 10 of U. The only one of these shows that didn't do well was the last one, which was a spinoff of Growing Pains, featuring Coach Lubbock. My other favorite came a bit later on, and included Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step By Step, and Hanging With Mr. Cooper. This was probably its most powerful lineup, and just looking at these shows, who can really question why? I really doubt there could ever be another successful run of TGIF just because TV is different right now, but people of my generation can no doubt look back on this era of ABC television with the fondest of memories.


This TGIF stuff is just opening the vault to memories. Who remembers Kathy Santoni? If you don't remember, she was a friend of DJ and Kimmy in Full House. She was one of the most influential characters on the entire show, even though she only actually appeared a couple of times. But she was the benchmark of teenage life in the late 80's and early 90's. Whether DJ was losing a boyfriend to her or mimicking her style of dress, she was regularly mentioned on the show. Eventually she graduated high school and got married and had a kid. That was the last anyone heard of her, but she was possibly the most powerful non-character in TV sitcom history.

Milton Bradley and Beyond

Whatever happened to simple board games? I remember growing up, my family had a toy closet. In this toy closet were several shelves, full of toys and boxes. But more importantly, we have shelves and shelves literally FILLED with board games. These were the backbone of my indoor entertainment growing up. I guess the children of the 80's had a different childhood than children of today and for that I am sad. However, today I have been brought back to my childhood by the simple pleasure of playing Battleship with my cousin. Playing this game got me thinking of all the different board games I had growing up.

Fireball Island This game was one of those wonderful inventions with a ginormous board and box, that forced your friends to come to your house because it could not be transported well. The point of the game was to safely reach the top of the plastic mountain without being knocked off and sent back several spaces by the "fireballs" (red marbles) that were placed randomly around the board. There was a certain amount of strategy that went along with this game, with cards and caves that allowed you to hide from the fireballs. I will have to brush up on the rules a bit more, but the ultimate goal was to reach the top and retrieve the jewel before anyone else did...very Indiana Jones, if you ask me.

Mouse Trap Another large game that was definitely not made for really young kids. This game could be played in several different ways. You are a plastic mouse moving randomly around the board. As you move along, you build the mouse trap. Once the trap is built, the goal is to trap every other mouse in the game in the trap and be the last mouse standing, so it's really like a Battle Royal of mice, fighting to the death over cheese. I think I always played with the trap already built and went from there. But this game was an icon of the 80's, though invented long before I was around. The pure absurdity of the trap made this game well worth it...except when the trap would not work properly, which was often.

Crossfire This was an intense game made for older kids. Made for two players, you sat opposite your opponent, each of you with a marble-shooting gun. In the middle of the board were two pieces, one for each opponent. The marbles shot along the board and the point was to shoot rapidly until you pushed your opponent's piece into their goal on the opposite side of the board. This game was so intense because it left your hands aching from the constant shooting and your heart racing. Typical games could last from about 10 seconds to minutes on end. Definitely not for the weak of heart.

Guess Who This game came along later in my childhood, but was no less memorable. The game basically served as a child's First Guide to Physical Stereotypes. Each player has a rack filled with stupid-looking cartoon characters, with overwhelmingly obvious physical characteristics. To start, you drew a card which had one of the characters on it. You then proceeded to ask a series of questions to weed out which character your opponent had drawn. Is your opponent a man? Yes (eliminate the women). Does he have glasses? No (get rid of all those guys with huge spectacles). And the game went on like this until you had narrowed your board down to one person. The first person to successfully guess the other person's character was the winner. This game unwittingly developed a whole new generation of racists and sexists, because the last character you wanted to draw was a black guy or a woman...because there were like 2 of each and if you had one of them, you pretty much were guaranteed to lose.

Perfection This was a game that was played solo, and helped to develop me into the recluse I am today. Basically, you had a board with about 20 different shapes cut into it, and 20 pieces corresponding to those shapes. The board pushed down and had a timer. The point of the game was to place all the pieces correctly into the board before the timer went off or, "POP!! Goes Perfection." Another game not for the weak of heart, because that timer ticking away was like a time bomb, and if that damn board popped, you basically jumped 10 feet in the air because you were focused solely on the pieces and it shocked you every time. To this day I wonder how many kids had fatal heart attacks while playing this game. I guess this was made to prepare kids for future careers in Bomb Squads, but all it did for me was to cause me to nearly crap in my pants on a regular basis.

Tuna and Pickles

As an endurance athlete, I tend to pay a certain amount of attention to my diet. Now, I'm no health nut, and I enjoy my share of fast food, but I still tend to try to keep an eye on what I eat. It's because of this that myself and two of my friends got into the idea of customizing our diets.

The first diet may seem a bit unspectacular, but it has become a thing of lore here in Louisville, and had at one point developed a small following among runners whom I know. It is what myself and my friend Kris like to call the Kris and Andrew Tuna Diet. While I put my name on it, it's my friend Kris who really came up with the idea. It began when he entered the professional world and had to start packing his lunch. He came up with the brilliant idea of packing a can of tuna and bread and calling it a meal.

When I was a Junior in college, Kris and I began training together (he was coaching me at the time) and I began to look on him as something of a mentor. Midway through what was an extremely successful season for me, we had an incident. We were at the track running a pretty intense workout. At the end of the workout, I sat down for a minute to try to rest up before my cool down run. Instead of getting up, I proceeded to lay down and not get up for 5 minutes. After Kris and another runner had to literally carry me to the van to ride back to school, Kris and I sat down and had a talk.

He asked what I had eaten that day, and I answered 2 Pop Tarts for breakfast and a granola bar at about 2:00 in the afternoon. Well, Kris was livid after hearing this and gave me a lecture on my diet being crap. So he explained to me his idea of eating tuna every day at lunch, and I already knew how good it was supposed to be for runners. So the next day I went out and bought cans of tuna. Through the rest of the spring and the entire summer, I ate 2 tuna sandwiches for lunch probably 4-5 days a week. I prospered that season and had a great summer of training. When I began coaching, Kris and I pushed this tuna diet on our athletes, especially those who did not eat enough before practice.

Today, I don't eat as much tuna. For one, eating that much is bad for you. Secondly, I work with a tuna-smelling employee and it sickens me. I don't think I'll be able to eat tuna for a long while now, but it will start again, especially when I begin running seriously once again.

Reminiscing about this tuna diet reminds me of one other crash diet a friend of mine once tried. The same semester I chose to stay up 101 hours, one of my roommates decided he wanted to lose weight. He didn't have a particular plan except to cut down on his calories. One day, out of the blue he was looking at a pickle jar and realized each pickle had roughly 30 calories. Well, this set off a light bulb in his head. He LOVED pickles and decided this would be his new diet. In what officially became known as Doug's pickle diet, my roommate began eating NOTHING but pickles. His goal was to last 2 weeks and see if he lost weight.

He would eat 2 pickles in the morning and several throughout the day. If he ever got tired of pickles and wanted a dessert food, he ate a sweet pickle. Now, I thought my 101 hours was a serious test of will power, but the fact that Doug lasted almost 4 days on this pickle diet is absolutely stunning in my mind. Eventually he could not even fathom the thought of eating another pickle. In the end, Doug didn't lose any weight, and likely consumed enough sodium to last a year, but this was just another legendary tale from Petrik 105 that will live in infamy.

Whatever Happened to Dolph Lundgren?

If you would ask any of my friends, they would tell you that I am an 80's fan. Period. Now, in our country, there are hundreds of thousands...probably millions of people who can claim the same thing. So I don't think I'm special or unique, or anything of the sort. I DO think that I'm a TRUE 80's fan, as I enjoy all aspects of the culture of that decade. I always hate people who claim to be fans of 80's music because they like 2 Poison songs (generally "Every Rose Has It's Thorn and "Something to Believe In") and 3 Guns 'n Roses Songs. Half of these people probably don't even know the group who wrote this music. So if you're going to claim to be a fan of something, do your research.

Now I'm not the most fluent in the culture, but I am pretty intelligent, and my area of expertise is 80's movies. While there are still hundreds of them I haven't seen, there are hundreds that I have seen and can quote verbatim. I am one who corrects someone when they misquote an 80's movie, even if they just missed the quote by one word.

So where am I going with all this? Well, just look at the damn title of this post and you'll understand. One of the great villains from any 80's movie is Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. He's also one of the most quotable, when you measure this by the percentage of lines that you can quote from one character. His percentage: 100% (at least his English lines). "I must break you," "If he dies, he dies," "To the end," He is not human, he is like a piece of iron," (that last one isn't even said in English, but it's still quotable. So basically, I'm saying that Dolph Lundgren really did a lot with a little. He made you absolutely hate this character while speaking roughly 7 lines the entire movie.

So wouldn't an actor of this extensive talent warrant Oscar nods, red carpet coverage, and other leading roles. Well, Dolph got some other leading roles: In 1987 he fulfilled a lot of kids' dreams by scoring the role of He-Man in "Masters of the Universe." He also had leading roles in such movies as "I Come in Peace," and "Universal Soldier" (alongside Jean-Claude VanDamme). He then faded into obscurity, securing roles in smaller films that did not get much press, with the exception of "Johnny Mnemonic."

So, what has happened to him since 1995 and "Johnny Mnemonic"? Well, he's now gone into directing. He's been billed as director of "The Defender", "The Mechanik" and "Diamond Dogs." Now, I'm not one to criticize, but He-Man doesn't belong on the Director's chair. He needs to be right there in the action, busting skulls and shooting up villains (or good guys, depending on his role). He would have made a great villain to Shwarzenegger's Terminator in any of those movies. Or he could have played the new Terminator in Terminator 4, yes they're making another one. But I guess he has a right to hang up his boxing gloves, Power Sword, and guns and step behind the camera to make his own films. But I have to say, Drago was just Lundgren's second role in a film and he played it so well that I would have expected much more out of such a promising career. But I guess I'll have to live with, "I must break you" as my favorite Lundgren quote because there probably aren't any more coming. But thank you Dolph for bringing the Cold War and the battle between He-Man and Skeletor right into my living room in such a riveting and memorable fashion.

Like Riding a Bicycle

Did you ever notice how playing NES is just like riding a bicycle?? It seems that no matter how long I go without playing my NES (though it's never very long) I am still very good at most of the games. There have been times where I have gone months without playing a certain game and come back to tear through it like it's nobody's business. One example of this is Castlevania, a game which I consider myself to be among the best players around (but I will write more on that at a later date). Another game is Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

This game is among my top games ever and I can brag of a very good accomplishment. I have, not once but twice, beaten this game without getting hit by a single opponent. The very first time can be read about on the NES Temple site under "Tales of Greatness." The second time came quite unexpectedly. I had let a friend of mine borrow the game and did not get it back for 7 months. The reason I let him borrow the game was because I had not played it in months anyway. So when I finally got the game back, it had been probably roughly 9 months since I had last played. I picked it up while talking on the phone and proceeded to play with the phone balanced between my ear and shoulder.

After a while, I realized I had not gotten hit and my excitement began to build. The first two circuits are not difficult, but to get through them flawlessly is still a good sign. After I had disposed of second Bald Bull I knew something bid was happening, and my excitement began to grow even more. Second Don Flaminco soon fell with no offense and I began to get nervous. This is the stage of the game where you must begin to take it very seriously. Though I was excited, I continued to talk on the phone as my #1 contender's bout with Sandman began. For only the third time in my life, I disposed of Sandman without being hit and I knew this thing really may happen.

My title bout with Macho Man was hardly memorable. If not taken seriously, he can get in a cheap punch and end my hopes of a perfect game, but alas I knew my foe too well and disposed of him with no problem. At this point, my excitement finally go the better of me. I suddenly yelled into my phone, "I'll call you back" and quickly hung up.

My bout with Tyson was about to begin and I was ready to once again make history. The first 1:30 passed without me getting hit by a knockout blow and I had gotten some solid jabs in on Tyson. I knocked him down in the first round and entered the second ready for victory. By this point my body was shaking with excitement. I knew I had to TKO Tyson in the second round because he is unpredictable in the third round and I would be unlikely to avoid every third round punch. Fortunately for me, Little Mac was up to the challenge. His feet were swift and his punches solid and before the bell rang to end the second round, I had TKO's Mike Tyson flawlessly. I threw the control on the ground and jumped up in celebration. I was once again the king of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

If you are interested in seeing a video of the first time I did this, back in January of 2000, check out my Youtube video.

The Urban Bourbon Trail

Today's blog may be short, but it will cover one of the wonders I just discovered about living in Kentucky. Now, if anyone knows anything about Kentucky, they will know it for horse racing and not much else. But one of the things that makes Kentucky famous is that it is the home of Bourbon Country. Basically, 98% or more of all bourbon made in the world comes from Kentucky. I have a coworker who is a Bourbon historian and enthusiast, who will tell you, quite literally, anything you want to know about bourbon. So it was no surprise today when he came down to the lunch room to with his hands full of bourbon brochures.

The idea within these brochures is nothing new, but it still seems unique in it's Kentucky flavor. It is the idea of the "Urban Bourbon Trail." In place already in Kentucky is the Kentucky Bourbon Trail, which is a tour of a series of distilleries throughout the state. One who follows this would likely have to set aside an entire weekend to accomplish the entire thing. However, the Urban Bourbon Trail has been set up within Louisville at a series of restaurants and bars. The point is to show up at one restaurant and ask for a Bourbon Trail Passport, which is actually a small booklet similar to an actual passport. The passport is free, and each page contains a brief bio of a separate restaurant on the trail. You then go to each restaurant and order some bourbon (though it may be just you order anything, I'm not sure) and you get your passport stamped. Once you get all 8 stamps, you win. I believe you earn a t-shirt and another small prize, along with the pride of knowing you just blew $40 and a bunch of gas just to drink bourbon. But that's not the point. If it was, I would never have gone on the Pennsylvania burger trip.

The guy who showed this to us at work is, as I said, a bourbon enthusiast and is a member of the Kentucky Bourbon Society. I was personally invited by him to join the Bourbon Society as they ride the Urban Bourbon Trail in July, in one day. I had to regretfully turn down this offer, mainly because I don't consider myself a bourbon drinker and would not want to look weak as a beer drinker among bourbon enthusiasts. However that does not mean I will not attempt this. Plans are already in the works to leave work early one Friday and take our own journey down the Urban Bourbon trail. The question then becomes: will we finish or will we pass out trying?