First off, I think the motivation for the post needs to be explained. It had been my intention to actually do this on my own Facebook profile, but I was afraid no one would get it unless I posted it somewhere else less serious. I had noticed so many similarities in profiles, and so many of them seemed so fake that I decided to call people out on it. I'm not saying that having one, two, or even like 5 of these things on your profile makes you an asshole, but if you look up and down this profile and see over half of them on your Facebook page, you are officially a tool and should either delete your profile, or consider a change of lifestyle.
First, I need to start with the picture. No, this is no one I know. I just typed in "tool surrounded by girls" into google, and this was one of the first pictures to pop up. This is because half of the pictures of guys you see on Facebook, they are surrounded by girls. As if this is the story of their lives and all they ever do. I figure the guy in this picture probably has a camera he takes to every party he goes to and makes it a point to get a picture taken with every girl there (unfortunately I've known people to do this). Then he sends the pictures home, as well as posts them on Facebook, showing all his friends and family back home: "LOOK AT ME! I have friends...and they're GIRLS!!!" Loser.
Next, did you know everyone on Facebook is a political genius, and their political views are meant to be known and examined by everyone. It was no worse than during this past November's election. Everyone posted when they voted and who they voted for. Isn't voting supposed to be a private thing, not meant for the masses to know. Shut up about your fucking politics, I don't care!!!
Next, the activities and interests. How the hell many different ways can you say that you like to sit around and not do shit. Just say hanging out, don't indulge us with 10 different ways of saying the same damn thing. You have friends who you like to hang out with, I get it. Just say you like to hang out. And this shouldn't take up all of your activities and interests. Don't you have anything else you do in your life? I guess not...you're spending too much time "chillin" and screwin' around on Facebook.
Also, I've noticed that the letter "G" is at a premium on Facebook. No one says "hanging out", or "chilling." G's have been replaced by apostrophe's, such as chillin', relaxin', chillaxin'. Finish your damn word you lazy bastards!!
Music. Most people on Facebook are actually closet musical experts. Somehow, they like every kind of music, but then they list genres they don't like. However, when you go into their favorite bands and favorite songs, they have bands from within the fucking genre they said they hate!! WTF?? My favorite is when people add a band as one of their favorites because they know one song by the band. I think I say this in part because I like 80's music so much, but the average Facebook user only has a vague knowledge of 80's bands. So they put Def Leppard or Journey as their favorite bands because they like "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and "Don't Stop Believing." And on top of this, it seems that the world is obsessed with Nickelback. I HATE Nickelback, but they show up on everyone's favorite music list. Fucking assholes!!!
Well, this post is getting long, so I'll end this and continue later, but not before I discuss the TV shows category. This one was easily my favorite to write because of how big an asshole everyone is when they write this section. The average Facebook user somehow believes they cram 36 hours of activities into a 24 hour day. So this being said, no one believes they have time to watch TV. "I don't watch much TV" is one of the biggest fucking cliche's out there in this generation. MY ASS!!! It's because of today's high school and college students that there are so many crappy shows on TV...you fucking watch TV whether you SAY it or not!! The average Facebook profile starts out with that one line, "I don't watch much TV." Then they proceed to list 15 of their favorite TV shows, which they watch regularly. News flash assholes: if you have time to watch that many different weekly TV shows, then you watch A LOT of TV!! Get over yourselves, you aren't more imporatant than the rest of the world, and your lives are definitely not busier.
To be continued...
