Decathlon Update

All I can say about this eating decathlon is that it's been painful. Some of the events have been much harder than anticipated, but all in all it has been a great experience so far. So here's an update:

At the last update, we had completed the Krispy Kreme race, the saltines, and the 2 lbs of salad. Soon after the saltines, we did the 12 inch pizza challenge. We were able to alter our pizza choice after seeing my struggle with an original Tombstone. Instead we chose thin crust Tombstone pizzas. The time to beat for the bonus was 5:30, upon mutual agreement. The race itself was something to see. Drew and I quickly pulled away from Ryan and got to a point where we were starting our last 1/4 of the pizza at the same time. I somehow pulled away from him and won...just under the bonus time, finishing in 5:26. Drew slowed up upon my victory and finished in about 5:45. Ryan struggled but made it to the finish to earn his point, in about 9 minutes or more.

The next event was actually the KK race. After that we went on a short hiatus because we could never get together at the same time for a meal. However, one Friday evening we got all of us together and moved on to our next challenge. The event: Pasta. The goal: 3 packages of Ramen noodles. Another straight race, that was a bit of a change from the original plan but still something difficult. We had a hell of a time finding bowls and a way to cook the servings at the same time. However, with 2 microwaves and a stove at our disposal, we were able to overcome this problem. This was an interesting race due to the fact that there were 3 different strategies involved. Drew left a little bit of water in his noodles and crunched them up to make the bites smaller. Ryan left a lot of water and also crunched his noodles up. I left my noodles whole and left no water. Well, that was my fatal mistake. Drew and Ryan pulled away from me and had a hell of a race, with Drew prevailing by a slim margin. I got overly-full after about 1/2 of my noodles were gone, and had a hard time finishing. I had to make up for all of the crap I had given Drew and Ryan after the salad race, because they had about 15 minutes to ridicule me for being so slow (though I had 45 minutes to do it to them). Anyway, after this event the overall race for the title was quite close. After the pizza I had a 5 point lead on Drew and I think 7 on Ryan. However, Drew gained 2 points on me for both the KK race and the noodles, and it was now a 1-point decathlon. I had to step up my game.

Next up was what he consider the hardest event of the 11. The block of cheese. We chose to do this event next for one reason: cheese was on sale at Kroger. So we all went and found the healthiest (or least unhealthy) cheese we could get: Kraft Mild Cheddar, with 2% milk. I think we figured out it had about 800 calories, 55 grams of fat, and about 80% of our daily cholesterol. On top of that, we feared clogged bowels for the next few days. But none of that deterred us. We started the event with the rule of no water being allowed. At about the 3 minute mark, we all looked at each other and decided to stop the watch. There was no way in hell we could finish this thing without water. So we all got our beverages of choice and proceeded.

I found a great method of eating the cheese by taking a huge bite, chewing as little as possible, and swallowing the cheese with water like I had a bunch of pills in my mouth. This made the taste horrible, but the cheese went down quickly. The taste was horrible after about the third bite, and with nothing but water to rinse my mouth, I had no alternative but to taste the mild cheddar for the next 10 minutes. In another closely contested race, I beat drew by about a bite, and immediately got up and tried to find something to get rid of the cheese taste. I chose a Mountain Dew and a piece of Italian bread. This, however, only slightly. I can't even describe the level of discomfort this cheese provided...just try it yourself if you really want to know. The next day my stomach was slightly upset but overall ok...and Drew, Ryan and I have all been quite regular ever since. I'm sure the increased fiber in our diets in the next couple of days helped that. So I gained another point here.

Next up: A bage of Baked Lays. Again, the least unhealthy alternative. Once again, another close race between Drew and I. And once again, a victory for me. This event was somewhat uneventful. There was a lot of water washing down chips and I honestly began to get pissed that the water washed away the salt taste of the chips. At the end of the event, I had a 3 point lead over Drew and an 8 point lead over Ryan with 4 events remaining.

However, the aftermath of the chips is something to tell. The excessive amounts of salt and sharp chips in our mouths wreaked havoc on our lips and gums. That event was Monday, and today, Thursday, I am still having trouble opening my mouth because I have a raw spot on the corner of my left lip and inside my gums. I really hope this goes away soon, because I can't open my mouth all the way. There has been plenty of lip balm and chapstick used in our house over the last few days.

My next deecathlon post will come after we've done 2-3 more events, and will conclude with a story of the final event: The Pie Eating Contest.

Krispy Kreme Kraziness

Why is it so hard to get motivated to write a few paragraphs every few days? I'll probably never have an an adequate answer, but I will keep posting about the decathlon. And in recent weeks I have come up with some new material so that will also go on here in the near future. But first, I need to write about the one event in the entire decathlon that deserves its own post: The Krispy Kreme race.

This race was one that is not a new idea, but is probably not done by too many people. The concept: a race to Krispy Kreme and back. Simple enough, until you add 6 donuts right there in the middle. This race is so brutal that it actually struck fear into the hearts of some of my less testicularly-gifted friends. I believe at one point we had 9 people signed on to run the race. The final tally at the starting line: 4. That in itself is a testament to the brutality of this event.

We met up on a cold winter afternoon around 4:00 at our alma-mater. The weather was about 32 degrees and fairly windy. One of the competitors' girlfriends offered to drive up to KK and order the donuts, and set them out. So after her departure, we proceeded to warm up for a mile, and then we took the line.

Drew went out to the early lead (mainly because he is in the best shape of the four of us). Ryan was second, myself and Shane were third and fourth. A little after a mile I passed Ryan to take possession of second place and focused on getting to KK in a reasonable time. I made it there (almost exactly 2 miles) in a little under 12 minutes, which isn't flying but not too bad either. Drew was on his second donut when I arrived, and Ryan and Shane both came in within a minute of me.

The first two donuts were hell to eat. I was coughing from the cold air and my throat could barely open. My nose was running, and I eventually had to waste valuable seconds requesting napkins. Ryan won the award for biggest mess, spilling hardened glaze all down his front side. He looked like he had been running in snow that hadn't yet melted on his clothes. His girlfriend just stared at us in disgust. The donuts, fortunately, were still warm and we had plentiful water to wash them down. Good job on the part of Ryan's girlfriend.

Drew finished the donuts first and made his way back quickly. Ryan was second to finish, and I left about 45-60 seconds later. Drew extended his lead throughout and won the race handily. I actually spent the entire second half of the race chasing down Ryan, who had a decent lead on me to start. Less than 400 meters into the run back I started feeling the donuts in my stomach. However this first wave passed for almost a mile. At about 1.25 miles, I caught and passed Ryan and began my push for the finish. I looked back throughout the last half mile but was able to extend my lead. That entire last half mile I was burping up donuts, which made everything even worse. Aerobically I was fine but my stomach was asking me to stop with every step. Drew won by about 90 seconds. His and my time on the way back were nearly identical. He slowed a bit from his time going there but my time was once again just under 12 minutes. So I guess the donuts affected me less...except that statement would be a dirty lie.

I hit the finish line, turned around to watch Ryan finish about 45 seconds later...and then excused myself with the statement: "I'll be right back, I'm going to puke." At that point, I went over by a tree and left about 3 of the donuts on the grass, to most likely be eaten by a passing dog on a leash. After this event, the points had me with a 3 point lead over Drew, and 4 points over Ryan. I will write in a day or two with an update on the other events we have done, including what was probably the hardest event of the entire decathlon. Stay tuned.