Cars and Anger

You know, I've gone through life and had dozens, if not hundreds, of conversations of what I would do if I was rich. Most of these are pretty reasonable ideas I've had, including buying a decent house but one that's not too big, but with a lot of property. Also, I've thought of who I would give money to, and whether or not I would work. And since most of this stuff is boring and practical, I'll focus on some of the other ideas I've had. Right now I'll just talk about one but maybe I'll throw these out every once in awhile just for shits and laughs (I don't giggle, but I do shit and laugh).

I've decided that when I'm rich I will spend however much money I deem necessary on shitty cars. What would I do with these shitty cars, you ask. Easy, I'd crash them into shit. What kind of shit? Whatever the hell I want!! Mainly I would focus on idiots. This idea came to me today when I was driving down a narrow drive in an apartment complex and had to swerve quite sharply to avoid a UHaul that had backed up to unload shit. Of course, it had backed up into some barriers that were set up for the sole purpose of keeping idiots from backing their UHauls up into that very area!!! So instead, these idiots backed up until the barriers stopped them, with the front of the UHaul sticking out and blocking roughly 70% of the drive in the complex. If I'd had one of these shitty cars I wanted to buy, I'd have rammed the fucker right into that damn truck, hopefully damaging the truck and the furniture inside. I would do the same thing to people who take 10 minutes to parallel park, people who double-park, anyone who ever cuts me off, and of course, Volkswagon Jettas. I would also ram the shit out of people's cars who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot instead of walking them 50 feet to the nearest cart rack. That's just the height of laziness in my mind, and these people deserve to have their cars totaled by a rich asshole like I would be. I probably hold a grudge here because I worked at a grocery store in my teen years.

Speaking of shopping carts, one of my favorite shopping cart stories (because I'm sure people just have dozens of these in their arsenals) is the time my friends and I saw a woman get angry that a shopping cart was near her car on her way into the store. So once we saw her walk into the store, we proceeded to surround her car with 10 shopping carts. Our big regret on this one was the fact that we didn't wait around to see her reaction.

Anyway, getting back to crashing cars into shit, you may be thinking that if I crashed a bunch of different shitty cars into other people's vehicles, I'll have a bad driving record, and fucking high insurance rates. Well who gives a shit, I'm rich!!! Money should be the last of my worries. I guess the main drawback of this plan is the fact that my insurance would end up paying for these peoples' damaged vehicles. And while that wouldn't be a big deal financially, it would pain me to know they had the satisfaction of getting their cars repaired at my expense. Of course that would all be forgotten when I remember that by crashing into their cars and fucking up their lives for a few days, I'm getting a cheap laugh at their expense.

Ice

The great Louisville Ice Storm of 2009 is now a thing of the past. There are still remnants all over the city, but for the most part everything is back to normal. Normal, that is, except for those 7,000 homes in Louisville still without power, the ice still on some roads, the countless downed tree branches, and the damaged cars all over the city.



This storm was one of the most insane things I've ever witnessed. To start, this was the second largest power outage in the history of Louisville. The first occurred back in September when we felt the wrath of Hurricane Ike. On both occasions my house dealt with downed tree branches and no power. I believe both times we didn't have power for about 4-5 days. I know this time we lost power at about 3:00 AM Wednesday morning and got it back some time late Sunday morning. Of course, it was cold as balls outside and at one point it was 38 degrees inside my house. I actually slept there, in the basement which was somehow warmer than upstairs, for 2 nights before putting my dog in a kennel and crashing elsewhere. On the plus side, all we had to do with our milk was leave it on the counter and it stayed cold...seriously.



I went running in Louisville Sunday morning. Remember now, the storm hit Monday night and most of Tuesday. On Sunday during this run, I ran through probably 2 miles of un-plowed roads. And some of these roads were well-travelled and hilly. Now I understand ice is a pain in the ass to clean up and if the weather stays cold it's even harder, but I don't think there's any excuse for any street in metro Louisville to be a sheet of ice 4 DAMN DAYS after the storm!!!! Once again, this city shows how unprepared it is for winter weather, despite all its big talk and pictures of mounds of salt lying in wait. Well, I'll give credit to our electric crews for doing their best to restor power while the lines were covered in ice.



Last time we had branches down in our house, we got quite ignorant with them. Instead of hauling them in a truck to the local tree branch dropoff that was set up, we chose to drop a few branches down the stree in the yard of a neighbor who had an entire tree down in his yard. We figured he wouldn't notice. We may do the same again, except we have a lot more branches down this time. We stall can't walk a direct line from our front door to our cars in the driveway. Listening to tree branches slide down our roof and into our front and back yards every 10 minutes or so on Tuesday night was a great way to soothe ourselves to sleep.

All in all it was a great week. I credit this week, especially the two nights I spent in the cold house, for my current sore throat and congestion that is ailing me. Thank you Louisville, for your exciting and ever-changing weather patterns!!