Cars and Anger

You know, I've gone through life and had dozens, if not hundreds, of conversations of what I would do if I was rich. Most of these are pretty reasonable ideas I've had, including buying a decent house but one that's not too big, but with a lot of property. Also, I've thought of who I would give money to, and whether or not I would work. And since most of this stuff is boring and practical, I'll focus on some of the other ideas I've had. Right now I'll just talk about one but maybe I'll throw these out every once in awhile just for shits and laughs (I don't giggle, but I do shit and laugh).

I've decided that when I'm rich I will spend however much money I deem necessary on shitty cars. What would I do with these shitty cars, you ask. Easy, I'd crash them into shit. What kind of shit? Whatever the hell I want!! Mainly I would focus on idiots. This idea came to me today when I was driving down a narrow drive in an apartment complex and had to swerve quite sharply to avoid a UHaul that had backed up to unload shit. Of course, it had backed up into some barriers that were set up for the sole purpose of keeping idiots from backing their UHauls up into that very area!!! So instead, these idiots backed up until the barriers stopped them, with the front of the UHaul sticking out and blocking roughly 70% of the drive in the complex. If I'd had one of these shitty cars I wanted to buy, I'd have rammed the fucker right into that damn truck, hopefully damaging the truck and the furniture inside. I would do the same thing to people who take 10 minutes to parallel park, people who double-park, anyone who ever cuts me off, and of course, Volkswagon Jettas. I would also ram the shit out of people's cars who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot instead of walking them 50 feet to the nearest cart rack. That's just the height of laziness in my mind, and these people deserve to have their cars totaled by a rich asshole like I would be. I probably hold a grudge here because I worked at a grocery store in my teen years.

Speaking of shopping carts, one of my favorite shopping cart stories (because I'm sure people just have dozens of these in their arsenals) is the time my friends and I saw a woman get angry that a shopping cart was near her car on her way into the store. So once we saw her walk into the store, we proceeded to surround her car with 10 shopping carts. Our big regret on this one was the fact that we didn't wait around to see her reaction.

Anyway, getting back to crashing cars into shit, you may be thinking that if I crashed a bunch of different shitty cars into other people's vehicles, I'll have a bad driving record, and fucking high insurance rates. Well who gives a shit, I'm rich!!! Money should be the last of my worries. I guess the main drawback of this plan is the fact that my insurance would end up paying for these peoples' damaged vehicles. And while that wouldn't be a big deal financially, it would pain me to know they had the satisfaction of getting their cars repaired at my expense. Of course that would all be forgotten when I remember that by crashing into their cars and fucking up their lives for a few days, I'm getting a cheap laugh at their expense.