Reaching for the Stars

As I sit here at my desk in a dimly lit room that I can say without exaggeration used to be a closet, eating a turkey sandwich out of a tupperware container, I can't help but wonder if this what God had in mind when He made humans. Well, I'm not a theologian or philosopher, but I can surmise that most mammals weren't made to live in confined spaces and eat out of small plastic containers. But since I'm not planning on going anywhere with this thought, I'll move on.

A friend of mine just watched the new Rambo movie last night and said it was well worth the 80 or so minutes of his life he spent in viewing. But this got me wondering who's going to be the next middle-aged actor to resurrect a classic character from the 70's or 80's. With Sylvester Stallone resurrecting both Rambo and Rocky, and Harrison Ford portraying Indiana Jones one last time, you know there's going to be another director trying to get his hands on the jackpot of playing to the nostalgia of the children of the 80's. Next thing we'll see is Sean Penn playing an aged Jeff Spicoli in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High 2: Even Faster Times" or Ralph Macchio returning to get beat up by more bullies in Karate Kid 4 (I don't count "The Next Karate Kid). I would say if these movies aren't already made, then I should petition for them. How could you go wrong? Actually, I just discovered that there is a plan to make Spaceballs: The Animated Series. This should be truly interesting, and I don't really know what to expect if it ever gets completed. I guess I should look forward to it.

Speaking of great movies from my childhood, what is the best of these three trilogies: Star Wars (original trilogy), Indiana Jones, or Back to the Future? I guess in my mind the obvious answer is Star Wars, because that is the one trilogy where there wasn't really a weak movie. Some say Return of the Jedi was bad, but in my opinion it holds up well with the its two predecessors. I actually don't really think Indiana Jones and Back to the Future have "weak" installments either, but I can't put those trilogies at the same level as Star Wars. A lot of people look at either Temple of Doom or Last Crusade and call them weak, but that's just because Raiders of the Lost Arc is such a great movie that it makes the other two look weak in comparison. I know I personally don't like Temple of Doom as much as the other two, but I still enjoy watching it. And what about Back to the Future. I can quote the original movie all day long, and I can watch any of those three movies at the drop of a hat without giving them a second thought. And I get angry when people say Back to the Future 3 is a bad movie, because it's not. It's enjoyable to watch, and has a completely unique feel from the other two. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've just written about 9 of my favorite movies of all time. I know there are other movies I like better, but as far as trilogies go, these are three of the strongest ever made, hands down. And I challenge anyone to argue that point with me.

Riding Down the Road

I've recently made an important decision in my life. I've decided to start riding my bike to work a couple of days every week. I'm sure that, with the price of gas, I'm not the only one making decisions such as this. However, it made me wonder if this was the safest choice I could have made. For starters, much of my ride to work (roughly 10 miles each way) was originally on highways so I had to find some other way to get there. Once I figured out the best route to take, I kind of shuddered because there are several roads I have to ride down that aren't necessarily the safest for bikers. However, Louisville prides itself as a bike-friendly community.

Now I personally had never helped the city to reinforce this idea, as I used to get really angry at bikers. I was the guy who, after passing a biker on the road, cut back over into his lane a little too close. And I would show my displeasure for these bikers by passing close on their side or just plain trying to scare them. I never did anything dangerous, but it made me feel better about myself. I think most of this anger stems from being a runner. I could never understand why a biker couldn't stay within his/her bike lane when as a runner, I stayed as far away from cars as I could (most of the time...my running etiquette is definitely something for an entirely different post). But now that I've biked to work once (today), I've completely changed my attitude on these fellow endurance athletes.

As I rode down Lexington Road (a hilly, windy 4-lane road) I was amazed at how courteous most of the cars on the road were to me. I was nervous starting out my journey, but once I got about halfway down this road, I realized that most cars would watch out for me. It took me roughly 40 minutes to bike to work today, and while I'm not looking forward to going home during the evening rush hour, I think this is a good decision for me, and one which I will pursue further in the future. Of course, I need to find a better way to transport my clothes to work, as I rolled in sweaty and tired and had to spend about 15 minutes cleaning up and making myself look presentable. But that's 15 minutes I wasn't working, so that's another advantage.

I think this biking will set me up for further adventures in endurance sports. Perhaps a bike ride to my sister's place about 30 miles away is in order in the future. I fully plan to follow through, probably this fall, on my plan to run about 18 miles from my parents' house in St. Louis to Steve's house. The possibilities are endless, and I encourage anyone reading this to think about ways to make crazy adventures like this.

Speaking of, this reminds me of a time about 6 or 7 years ago when Steve and I went to see Poison in concert in St. Louis. At the time Steve lived probably about 3 or 4 miles from where the concert was taking place. So of course, at the end of the concert, instead of getting a ride home and dealing with traffic, we decided that walking was obviously the best idea we could have had. Unfortunately, Steve wasn't entirely sure of the way to go. So instead of this walk taking the hour or so we had estimated, it ended up turning into a 4-hour debacle in which we walked into his apartment at around 2:30 in the morning. This was after taking a full hour walking in a circle, as I specifically remember saying, "Weren't we here an hour ago." Either way, we walked away from this experience with a great story to tell, and no lesson was learned by anyone.

On a different note, I've finally won the battle with my apartment complex. After over two months of fighting, and a few weeks of them not getting back to me, they finally sent me an email allowing me out of my lease early. Of course, it still took another correspondence to put the fact that they are allowing me to do this without penalty in writing, but now I have it and I'm officially on the market to rent a house. Winning=Good Times!!!

Now That's Good Eatin'

To quote my friend Doug, if I could describe buffets in one word, and it could be hyphenated, it would be bom-diggedy. I love buffets. Period. But this brings about the question: What is the best kind of buffet? Well, come along as I explore this question.

I've already discussed my love of salad bars. I don't know how you can't love a good salad bar, but the only places I know of that have them anymore are Ruby Tuesday's and Frisch's Big Boy. The salad bar at Ruby Tuesday is damn good, with any selection you can think of, but Frisch's, while still excellent, is a bit lacking. Generally, some local restaurants offer salad bars as well, but overall the salad bar is an endangered species that must be preserved. But while they are an excellent addition to any meal, they are not the best.

What about Chinese Buffets? I used to have an absolute obsession with them, and I had two friends that felt the same way. A Chinese buffet was where I started out my 21st birthday celebration (that place, sadly, is no longer there), and I have had several great memories at them. Back in the summer of '02 myself and two friends even began what we labeled the "Chinese Buffet Club" (CBC). We made weekly excursions to different Chinese buffets around Louisville in an attempt to find the best. While the club was short-lived, the memories have lasted until this day. And my love of Chinese buffets has not quit. Most Chinese buffets offer at least some form of "real" Chinese food, and not just the Americanized version you find at Chinese restaurants. Generally, about 2/3 of what you see at a Chinese restaurant or buffet is not really native to China, but if you look hard enough you can find some true Chinese cuisine, and this is one of the reasons Chinese buffets remain near the top of my buffet list.

Pizza buffets are another somewhat rare breed that may be spreading a bit. Here in Louisville there are several pizza buffet options for my pleasure. Mr. Gatti's was where I first discovered these buffets, yet this chain consists of a number of trashy restaurants in shady areas of town, so I rarely frequent them anymore, especially since the opening of Cici's. Now, Cici's has excellent pizza if you like that kind of thing and they also have a SALAD BAR!! This chain prides itself on clean restaurants and friendly service, and I must say that they have achieved both. And for $5.29 you can stuff your face until you burst with several classic pizzas, as well as some Cici's originals, including a Spirar Macaroni and Cheese pizza. Sounds nasty but just try it...it's fantastic. Of course, in any city, your best pizza buffets are going to be at local pizza restaurants. My two personal favorites are Bearno's and Fat Jimmy's, which have lunch buffets, generally from 11:00 am - 2:00 pm. I'm sure there are several other places in Louisville and St. Louis that have these, but these are the high points.

Breakfast buffets. This could possibly take the cake as my favorite kind of buffet. I remember as a child going to Shoney's several times each year on Sunday mornings just for their buffet. These were incredible mornings where I had my fill in pancakes, sausage, eggs, bacon, biscuits, fruit and just about anything else you could imagine. Today, my favorite breakfast buffet is at Frisch's, which has a similar, if not identical, buffet to Shoney's (I believe they are owned by the same company, but I may be wrong). I probably spend about 1 Sunday per month eating Frisch's breakfast bar, and I always come away feeling nasty but satisfied. Of course, I think my favorite breakfast bar ever may have been a dream. I remember one time on a trip to Louisville (before I lived there, on a visit) I stopped at a McDonald's that had a breakfast buffet. WHAT!!! You read correctly, a McDonald's breakfast bar!! I really don't know how it can get any better than that, as I had my fill in sausage biscuits and pancakes for about $5 I believe. Unfortunately, I've never seen one since, so I don't know if this was some delightful dream or just a lucky discovery. I may never know.

However, I think the king of all buffets is the casino buffet. How can you argue when a casino buffet has all of the above buffets wrapped into one (maybe not breakfast, but close enough). I have never found a Casino buffet I didn't like. Our buffet here in Louisville at Caesar's Indiana is fantastic, especially since I've eaten there about 4 times and never once paid for it. While not the biggest or the best, with about 100 or more selections to choose from, you can't go wrong. Same can be said to the only casino buffet I've ever tried in St. Louis at Ameristar. However, the king of casino buffets is of course, in Las Vegas, at the Bellagio. For the low low price of $29.99 you can eat like a king. This buffet just doesn't end, and you can get lost trying to find your way from the Chinese section to the desserts. This place is like heaven on earth, and is a place you must visit at least once in a lifetime. Of course, the Bellagio buffet holds a special place in my heart as it is where I walked within 18 inches of Mike Tyson and nearly got my picture taken with him, except we decided to leave him in peace, since enough people had already flocked to him.

So there you have it, my Buffet Blog. I've left a few out but I think I hit on the highlights. And now I'm hungry and I think I'm going to organize a casino buffet night among my friends.

On a final note, I have found a new love in my life. The TGI Friday's Fiery Chicken Popper Sandwich. It's basically fried chicken patty with fantastic breading, topped with cheese, jalapeno peppers, I think cream cheese of some sort and I don't even remember what else. It comes with fries and a jalapeno popper. Just trust me when I recommend you try it. You will not be disappointed.

I Win...AGAIN!!!

Today was the big day...Memorial Day weekend and the sales began. So that meant it was time to head to Best Buy to cash in my gift card. Going in I had some idea of what I wanted, but when I went to the store, I was fortunate to find that an even greater deal awaited me.

Going in I was planning on buying a Sharp 32" television that was originally $799 and marked down to $599. However, right next to that on the display in the store was another Sharp television with a bit higher contrast ratio, originally marked $999 but marked down on clearance to $649. Now I am not an expert on TV's but I figured this was a good deal, as it was a bit nicer than the other Sharp TV, but had a few better features. So all in all, I feel I got a good deal. The one drawback was that this TV was the display model that was on clearance, and there was no stand for it available. However, the store was kind enough to throw in the $50 wall mount for free...good deal. Anyway, I now have a nice new TV mounted on my wall, and my viewing pleasure has greatly increased. Next on tap is to play some original NES on my new television. Thumbs up!!

So on to more ranting. Last night I played Guitar Hero 3 for the first time (actually this was the first time I've ever played any Guitar Hero). I now know why that game is so huge. I was absolutely addicted after about 5 minutes. Unfortunately, I had to leave the house where I played the game, and now there is no Guitar Hero for me to play. But damn, I wish I had come up with an idea like that for a game. Ah well, I'll just have to fall back on my goal of writing a novel for extra monies.

Speaking of monies, I've decided that the greatest value for your dollar is to go to a restaurant with a salad bar. But that raises the question: Where can you go to get a good salad bar anymore? Maybe I'm just remembering incorrectly, but I seem to recall consuming a fairly steady dose of salad bars when I was growing up. Maybe we just ate at Shoney's a lot, but either way, it seems that salad bars are rare anymore. And I don't mean buffets, because those are still around between Ponderosa, Ryan's, Hometown Buffet, and others of the sort. But I think more restaurants need to bring back the salad bar option, because that shit's some good eatin'. What better way to complement your meal than with a salad on a plate piled 10 inches high.

While we're on the topic of buffets, I think I'm going to dedicate my next post to trying to figure out what the best kind of buffet is...Salad Bar's, Chinese Buffets, Pizza Buffets, Casino Buffets, etc... This could lead to a hell of a discussion, as I like all of the above listed buffets. Well, I'm off for now to watch my new TV and remind myself of how big a winner I truly am.

Whatatrip!!

So the reason for my recent lack of posting is due to the fact that I spent all of last week in Destin, FL. And while much of the trip was spent stressing about issues related to work and school, I have to admit that it was still an awesome trip.

We started out doing what I prefer on long drives, and that was leaving at 2 AM. We calculated it was a 10 hour drive, so with stops for gas and one long stop to get a decent breakfast, we would get to our hotel around 1 or 2 PM, just in time to hit the grocery store and then check in. Well, this plan would have worked except we didn't realize Destin is on Central time. I mean, what the hell!!! It's Florida, about as far east as you can go in America, and we're on Central time. Whatever, for me it was a nice return to the time zone I grew up in, and the hotel was kind enough to let us check in early. So I proceeded to begin drinking when we went to the beach, and spent most of the rest of the week in a drunken haze.

There were several noteworthy occurrences and discoveries that I feel need to be mentioned about this trip. First off, in the interest of saving money, I chose to drink vodka instead of beer. So I chose to drink vodka that I called one step up from cheap. By this I mean that a 1.75 Liter of Heaven Hill some of the other cheapest vodkas costs about $9.50, so I decided to move up in the world (hey, I'm not in college anymore, I can afford to splurge) and get my new discovery, Dark Eyes vodka, a whopping $10.59 for 1.75L. I just discovered that this is a Jim Beam product, so more power to it. I personally thought it tasted damn good, and mixed very well with Sprite. And while I just narrowly missed my goal of completing the entire 1.75L throughout the course of the week (probably because I drank a couple of other drinks as well) I made a valiant effort and came within about 6 oz. of completion.

As has been the tradition on these trips with my friends, we go out at least 2-3 nights for fresh seafood, as we figure this will be a great place for it. And we discovered some gems. The first was a place called the Whale's Tail, which was a small restaurant on the beach with and outside deck looking out over the water. Great atmosphere and the food, though a bit overpriced, was probably the best we had all week. The second place we went to was called Buster's. The food at this place was damn good but not as good as our other two seafood meals. However, Buster's had the best hushpuppies we had all week. This place was more like a sports bar, but still excellent. On our final night of the trip, we went to a place called the Back Porch, which was another restaurant on the beach, overlooking the water. This won the prize for the biggest portions. I don't know if anyone finished their meal. I do know that I got probably 2 dozen hushpuppies for the low low price of $1.59. I WIN!!

We chose to check out the night life on evening on the trip, Tuesday night to be exact. And of course, Tuesdays in early May are always going to be hot nights on the town. We chose to go to The Village of Baytowne Wharf which is a set of shops, restaurants and bars set on the beach. While most of the bars were dead, we found a place called RumRunners which was your typical bar with live music. However, this bar had a dark secret, the Rum Runner. This drink was hell in a glass. I decided to take first round with one of my friends, so I promptly ordered 2 Rum Runners, and was told I owed $17!! I was kind of upset until I tasted the drink, which was like drinking straight alcohol. I somehow finished my 12 oz. cup, only to be handed another one by my kind friend who knew he owed me a round. Well, I was already messed up before this, but my second Rum Runner did me in, and fortunately we were ready to head home anyway, as I barely made it to bed. All in all a good night, except for the Rum Runners.

So after all was said and done, we made our way home. However instead of following our MapQuest directions that got us there, we decided to take a chance and just use a map and make our way home. Now I think we probably cut off at least 30 minutes to an hour on our trip by doing this, as we avoided going out of our way a bit. Though anyone who has driven to Florida from Louisville knows that about 1/3 of the trip is done off the interstates. Well, we made it back safely, but not before making one final significant discovery.

Now I'm HUGE on trying new things (hence, my willingness to try a Rum Runner). So all week at our hotel, I had to stare in envy at the Whataburger restaurant that was sitting about 1/2 mile from our hotel, but I never went there. We spent all week joking about going, planning on ordering the #1, which we believed would be a Whataburger combo with fries. Well, we left on Thursday and passed up the Whataburger, then a second, and then a third. Well, I was getting fed up and stated my intention to eat at Whataburger when we stopped for lunch. However, I was getting worried as I assumed this was a Southern fast food chain, and we were making our way steadily north. Well, after we passed a Whataburger about 50 miles south of Birmingham and didn't stop, I was afraid all hope was lost. We didn't see one all the way to Birmingham. Then, just after we passed downtown and were heading into open road again, my friend Jason exclaimed from behind the wheel, "WHATABURGER!!!" It turned out to be the last Whataburger we would pass, and we stopped. Well, we went in and, much to our delight, discovered that they did have a #1 combo, and it was indeed a Whataburger with fries for $4.99. Now the only choice left to make was whether or not to "Whata-size" my meal for 59 cents. I chose not to. But I was wholly impressed with this restaurant. Among the highlights of this place were:
- A picture of the founder, Harmon Dobson, hanging on the wall.
- A picture of the first Whataburger in Corpus Christi, TX also on the wall.
- The term, "Whata-size" your meal.
- The fact that this is the first fast food restaurant that I've ever seen that offers grits for breakfast (99 cents for an order).
- The ketchup, which did not come in packets and they did not have ketchup dispensers. The ketchup came in the same containers you would get a dipping sauce in at McDonald's. You just peel away the top and there's your ketchup. Why has no one else thought of this?? It's so much more efficient than ketchup packets. I took one home with me just for the novelty of the idea.

So all in all a successful trip. I have several more stories, but these were definitely the highlights. I probably could have made an entire post on the Whataburger, and I may pursue that in the future. But hopefully this gave a decent idea of how random adventures can make a trip much more exciting.

More Crappy Weather and an Update

One would find it very difficult to convince me that May isn't the best month of the year. I think this belief stems from the fact that May always meant the end of school for 21 years of my life (that in itself is crazy, to think that there have only been 7 years that I haven't been a student in my entire life). But more than that, May has always meant a lot to me. March and April begin to signal the end of winter, which I hate with a passion anyway. But May is really the first month of the year where the weather really starts to calm down and feel like summer. So needless to say, these past few days have made me quite angry. We had about 4 days of perfect weather before it went to hell on Wednesday. Nothing but rain and clouds for almost 3 entire days now. CRAP!!

But I can't complain too much. This month has brought a lot of great things to me. My brother got married, I played golf at an amazing country club, I just found out that I got accepted to go back to school once again (so that 7 year figure will stay that way), and most importantly, I have received good news from my apartment complex.

Yes, they are starting to cave. After getting into negotiations with them for a few weeks about changing apartments, our conversations stalled due to them not emailing me back. So I decided to send them a nice email about the rotted wood and mildew in my walls. Well, due to the fact that I had already complained about this twice before, they finally decided to check it out and found some bad stuff on the outside of the building, including cracks in the walls that had been allowing water in for quite some time. At that point, the assured me that they would do what they could to fix it, but if a lot of work had to be done, then they would let me out of my lease. And they told me that most likely a LOT of work would have to be done. So the next day I found out that they caulked (yes, they CAULKED) the walls on the outside to prevent the water from getting in, and that a contractor would be called this week to get the drywall in my apartment fixed. Now I don't know what they think they will accomplish with this, but I plan to remind them that this is nothing but a temporary fix (which they said themselves). But right now they are acting as if they have the problem solved, and are not emailing me back once again. Did that caulk MAGICALLY get rid of all that mildew and rotting wood?? Amazing!! So if they tell me I have to stay in that apartment, I am going to threaten to call a health inspector on their asses. I know this is probably an empty threat, but who knows. A friend of mine spoke to her landlord, who was kind enough to tell her that situations like mine with the mildew and rotting wood are common in apartments, and that the landlords rarely win when it comes to these cases. So I guess we'll see. I'll keep posting the emails on my website so keep checking them out.

On a random note, my dog was really annoying the hell out of me the other day, so I farted in his face. Serves him right.

Musings from The 'Ville

I thought I'd write today about some random shit that's been either getting me thinking or else just plain pissing me off, so here we go.

This weekend at the Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles, the Place horse who ran a pretty spectacular race to finish second, broke both its ankles and had to be euthanized on the track at the Derby. Now, I am in total agreement that this was a tragedy and that people should be moved by this story. However, I'm sick of reading article after article criticizing the jockey and calling for the entire sport of horse racing to be changed as a result of this, along with the death of Barbaro two years ago. You know why people are pissed off? It's because this happened on the top stage in horse racing. Had the same horse died in its qualifying race in Arkansas, what would have happened? Nothing!!! Probably, no one would have even heard about it. So just because a jockey is unfortunate enough to have been riding a horse with weak ankles that broke down after the biggest race of its life, he is in danger of suspension from the sport. A handful of runners die every year running marathons, but generally, nothing changes in those marathons because this is considered a risk of running. The same risk exists in horse racing. If PETA has its way, then there probably would be no more horse racing because they consider inhumane and dangerous. Here's some news for you: ALL SPORTS HAVE INHERENT RISKS!!! Should athletes in every sport wear football helmets to protect their heads from foul balls and flying pucks?? What about fans? Baseball and hockey fans take risks at every game...should they all wear helmets too?? People should just take this event for what it was...an unfortunate tragedy that in no way reflects the state of the sport in general.

I've noticed that people in Louisville and St. Louis have similar nicknames for their cities. People in St. Louis sometimes call it "The Lou" and people in Louisville call it "The Ville". Just a random observation.

I've received recent news regarding my apartment that is making me very angry. I've found proof that another family is being allowed out of their lease early at no cost. And while I promised that family that I would not bring it up to the apartment management to prevent any trouble from them, I have to say that this has re-ignited my fire for this fight. Especially considering that they have not replied to my emails in over a week...ASSHOLES!!!

Just another note on how this city cleans itself up for Derby. I drove past the University of Louisville the other day and saw a guy touching up a paint job on an overpass to make it brighter. I had to laugh at this because that shit happens every year. However, now the city will let everything grow out and look shitty until next Derby. Actually, this year the same process will probably occur in the fall for the Ryder Cup. Either way, I compare this to other random actions that I find amusing:
- Brushing your teeth before you go to the dentist (like that will fool him)
- Dusting and cleaning your furniture if you are trying to sell your house(you're selling an empty house, not your clean furniture)
- Straightening your house before you have a cleaner come over (yes, people do this)
- Washing your hair before a haircut.

A few days ago I flipped on the 1994 movie "The Scout." Overall a pretty weak film, but for some reason I can watch any movie about baseball and enjoy it. However, there are some details in the end of that movie that really annoy me. The final scene in that movie is supposed to be Game 1 of the World Series at Yankee Stadium. For one, the pitcher, Steve Nebraska, bats in that movie, despite this being an American League park. I guess they assume that he was such a good hitter that he would be the DH as well as the pitcher. Next, the Yankees play the Cardinals in the Series. This is fine, it may be the first modern movie to feature the Cardinals prominently. But the premise of that game is that Nebraska wins the game on 81 pitches, all strikes, striking out all 27 batters. So that means the last batter would be the #9 hitter in the order. In the movie, that is Ozzie Smith. They make out Ozzie to be some kind of power hitter, even though he hit all of 28 home runs in his career. They pass this off by saying he has experienced an unprecedented burst of power in the playoffs. So my problem is, why is he batting in the 9 spot if he's they're best hitter. Anyway, that movie is absurd in itself, so I guess you have to take it all with a grain of salt.

Based on my experiences in St. Louis this weekend, I've decided that rich people in St. Louis are much nicer than the wealthy assholes who think they are rich in Louisville, whom I deal with every day.

That's all I have for now, but I'm sure I will have many more posts like this in the future.

Living the High Life

This past weekend a remarkable event occurred that changed the landscape of my family. My brother exchanged vows with the woman of his dreams, and just like that, I had another in-law. The weekend itself was something to be marveled, as everything was first-class all the way. Due to the fact that much of my audience experienced this event and will not soon want to forget it, I thought an in-depth recap was in order. As Best Man in this wedding, I feel I had the best viewpoint from which to do this.

The weekend began on Friday morning with a round of golf for the wedding party and some relatives of the bride at Old Warson Country Club, the site of the wedding reception, as well as the 1971 Ryder Cup. The weather delayed our start time for over an hour, yet in that time we were served an impromptu breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns, fruit, juice and coffee. This was just the first of many occurrences that made me proclaim to myself yet again, "I win."

The golfing itself was something to forget, as most of the scores began to approach bowling scores. However, the course was magnificent and I thoroughly enjoyed the 15 holes I got in before I had to depart to prepare for the rehearsal.

The rehearsal was an amusing experience, as the preacher seemed to be something of a hard-ass, no nonsense type of guy. Examples of his attitude included yelling at the bridesmaids for talking during the walkthrough, telling one of the groomsmen that chewing gum would not be allowed during the ceremony (I'm sure that was really news to him), and squeezing the Maid of Honor's arm so hard that she had red marks there afterward. I just feel lucky that I avoided his wrath.

I would have to say that my favorite part of the weekend had to be at the rehearsal dinner and, not to sound arrogant, but I believe I played a big role in making the evening extremely enjoyable. The dinner took place at Lemp Mansion near downtown St. Louis, which is an old historic home that is said to be haunted. During dinner, the alcohol flowed freely and the portions were plentiful. And after everyone's stomachs were full of beef, fish, chicken (and, of course, booze), I took the floor and did my best to turn the groom's already pink face and even darker shade

Several people have asked that I put my speech in writing somehow, so I will be happy to do just that (at least the highlights). It was basically a Top 10 list about what I've learned from and about my brother in 26 years, and it went something like this:

10) Potato guns, video cameras and air horns can provide hours of fun, but put together can provide a lifetime of memories.
9) Time spent in the World of Warcraft is more productive than time spent sleeping.
8) Jim has rock-hard pecks. If you don't believe it, just ask him and he'll show you.
7) During one's lifetime, one should make a minimum of 20 trips to Las Vegas.
6) A sound system, when hooked up correctly, can in fact be heard down the block.
5) The hot water in my parents' house lasts only long enough for Jim to take a shower.
4) When given the choice between eating a 2 lb. burger and a 1 lb. burger, always go with the 1 lb. burger.
3) Fashionably late is the only way to show up anywhere.
2) Cursing in front of your parents at 6 years old is not funny...however, convincing your 6 year old little brother to curse in front of your parents is.
1) And I finished up with something sentimental, talking about how good a person Jim is.

Now, I didn't look up too much during this speech but I was told several people were laughing so hard they had tears rolling down their faces, including my dad. I have to say that it was one of the high points in my life, and I think I shocked a number of people with this speech.

The Maid of Honor held up her end as well, amusing the crowd by presenting the father of the bride with vodka and beer, and that, along with a video made by my cousin and my mother, left the crowd in a jubilant mood throughout the rest of the evening.

Saturday dawned a bit cloudy, but with promise to be a beautiful day. The wedding ceremony went off without a hitch, other than the fact that the groomsmen and parents were given the wrong boutonnieres and several pictures had to be re-taken. The only gripe I personally had about the entire weekend came during the transport from the church to the reception. There was absolutely NO BOOZE in the limo. What the hell was up with that?? I guess I couldn't complain too much, as once again at the reception, the beer flowed freely.

The cocktail hour was incredibly high class, with servers roaming the room with assorted trays of food and drink. Dinner was amazing as well, with the dinner rolls taking the prize as the highlight of the meal (in my personal opinion).

Then I was up to talk again, with what several people called another solid speech. I wasn't as impressed but it went over well enough. Then the music began and insanity ensued. I never thought I would see the day that a country club like that allowed its floor to be littered with several thousand pieces of confetti, but indeed that was the case, and this stuff flew for probably an hour before people got tired of throwing it at the dancers. The live band had an incredibly wide selection of music and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

Finally, around midnight as the crowd began to thin, the bride and groom left the building and boarded their transportation: a golf cart with a sign on it that said "Just Married" while the remaining crowd littered them with flower petals. Now, had one followed the golf cart, one would have seen that the happy newlyweds traveled roughly 100 feet to a car parked in the lot, but that did not take away at all from the image of my brother and his new wife driving away into the night in their own personal golf cart.