This past weekend a remarkable event occurred that changed the landscape of my family. My brother exchanged vows with the woman of his dreams, and just like that, I had another in-law. The weekend itself was something to be marveled, as everything was first-class all the way. Due to the fact that much of my audience experienced this event and will not soon want to forget it, I thought an in-depth recap was in order. As Best Man in this wedding, I feel I had the best viewpoint from which to do this.
The weekend began on Friday morning with a round of golf for the wedding party and some relatives of the bride at Old Warson Country Club, the site of the wedding reception, as well as the 1971 Ryder Cup. The weather delayed our start time for over an hour, yet in that time we were served an impromptu breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns, fruit, juice and coffee. This was just the first of many occurrences that made me proclaim to myself yet again, "I win."
The golfing itself was something to forget, as most of the scores began to approach bowling scores. However, the course was magnificent and I thoroughly enjoyed the 15 holes I got in before I had to depart to prepare for the rehearsal.
The rehearsal was an amusing experience, as the preacher seemed to be something of a hard-ass, no nonsense type of guy. Examples of his attitude included yelling at the bridesmaids for talking during the walkthrough, telling one of the groomsmen that chewing gum would not be allowed during the ceremony (I'm sure that was really news to him), and squeezing the Maid of Honor's arm so hard that she had red marks there afterward. I just feel lucky that I avoided his wrath.
I would have to say that my favorite part of the weekend had to be at the rehearsal dinner and, not to sound arrogant, but I believe I played a big role in making the evening extremely enjoyable. The dinner took place at Lemp Mansion near downtown St. Louis, which is an old historic home that is said to be haunted. During dinner, the alcohol flowed freely and the portions were plentiful. And after everyone's stomachs were full of beef, fish, chicken (and, of course, booze), I took the floor and did my best to turn the groom's already pink face and even darker shade
Several people have asked that I put my speech in writing somehow, so I will be happy to do just that (at least the highlights). It was basically a Top 10 list about what I've learned from and about my brother in 26 years, and it went something like this:
10) Potato guns, video cameras and air horns can provide hours of fun, but put together can provide a lifetime of memories.
9) Time spent in the World of Warcraft is more productive than time spent sleeping.
8) Jim has rock-hard pecks. If you don't believe it, just ask him and he'll show you.
7) During one's lifetime, one should make a minimum of 20 trips to Las Vegas.
6) A sound system, when hooked up correctly, can in fact be heard down the block.
5) The hot water in my parents' house lasts only long enough for Jim to take a shower.
4) When given the choice between eating a 2 lb. burger and a 1 lb. burger, always go with the 1 lb. burger.
3) Fashionably late is the only way to show up anywhere.
2) Cursing in front of your parents at 6 years old is not funny...however, convincing your 6 year old little brother to curse in front of your parents is.
1) And I finished up with something sentimental, talking about how good a person Jim is.
Now, I didn't look up too much during this speech but I was told several people were laughing so hard they had tears rolling down their faces, including my dad. I have to say that it was one of the high points in my life, and I think I shocked a number of people with this speech.
The Maid of Honor held up her end as well, amusing the crowd by presenting the father of the bride with vodka and beer, and that, along with a video made by my cousin and my mother, left the crowd in a jubilant mood throughout the rest of the evening.
Saturday dawned a bit cloudy, but with promise to be a beautiful day. The wedding ceremony went off without a hitch, other than the fact that the groomsmen and parents were given the wrong boutonnieres and several pictures had to be re-taken. The only gripe I personally had about the entire weekend came during the transport from the church to the reception. There was absolutely NO BOOZE in the limo. What the hell was up with that?? I guess I couldn't complain too much, as once again at the reception, the beer flowed freely.
The cocktail hour was incredibly high class, with servers roaming the room with assorted trays of food and drink. Dinner was amazing as well, with the dinner rolls taking the prize as the highlight of the meal (in my personal opinion).
Then I was up to talk again, with what several people called another solid speech. I wasn't as impressed but it went over well enough. Then the music began and insanity ensued. I never thought I would see the day that a country club like that allowed its floor to be littered with several thousand pieces of confetti, but indeed that was the case, and this stuff flew for probably an hour before people got tired of throwing it at the dancers. The live band had an incredibly wide selection of music and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.
Finally, around midnight as the crowd began to thin, the bride and groom left the building and boarded their transportation: a golf cart with a sign on it that said "Just Married" while the remaining crowd littered them with flower petals. Now, had one followed the golf cart, one would have seen that the happy newlyweds traveled roughly 100 feet to a car parked in the lot, but that did not take away at all from the image of my brother and his new wife driving away into the night in their own personal golf cart.
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